Paradise

Paradise

A Story by JanieB

 

Paradise

As she lay there thinking of home, with the waves crashing against the rocks, the sand running through her fingers, Jo couldn’t help but think of all the good times.

Here she was, in “paradise” and living the dream, according to envious friends back home, but Jo was miserable. Really miserable.

The sound of the waves sounded like it was someone pounding her head with a brick. The sand was scratching her delicate hands.

The tears came streaming down her beautiful face. “Dad why did you leave me” she whispered out loud, praying he could hear her. Nothing came back, but the crashing of those waves, those waves she once adored, those waves that once gave her so much pleasure to hear.

Jo’s life had changed now. Changed so much she didn’t know what to do anymore. Her head was spinning with emotions. The anger at her beloved father leaving her, how dare he. He had been there for 47 years of her life, then disappeared, without even a goodbye, a farewell kiss or one of his most amazingly warming, and comforting hugs. The despair of what to do with her life now? She felt empty and alone, very alone.

Jo sat up and looked around her. What beauty surrounded her. The palm trees swaying in the autumn wind, the humming birds pecking leftover breakfast she had left on the table behind her. Those most beautiful birds Jo once adored. A small group of children were making sand castles, with their bemused little angelic faces, chattering away to each other. Her friends Mike and Sarah were in the sea, holding each other as they danced over the waves, and giggled like school children as they fell over with the strength of the waves. That once would have been beautiful to Jo.

Nothing looked beautiful anymore, just nothing.

Jo could not see it. No, Jo was blinded by the grief and the mourning of her wonderful Dad. The man who was her rock, her idol, her best friend.

I just want to go home now, back to Scotland. Jo thought. But she would be leaving her paradise that once was. How could she take the shock so bad, how could she not deal with emotions like everyone else. “Help me Dad” she said out loud, “please help me”. Nobody seemed to understand her grief and her feelings.

Jo laid back on the beach, closed her eyes and the tears came again. The heavenly breeze caressing her body, soothing her mind like a feather touching her brow.

Jo was taken away from the reality and fell asleep. Deep asleep.

© 2010 JanieB


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Reviews

Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Good job once again.

Posted 3 Years Ago


This was well written and was a nice plot. It was refreshing, and I can imagine the scene from your description. But unfortunately, I had a hard time reading the font. That's just something you should think about the next time you write. The picture really added to the story, though, and I appreciated the spacing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Superb, very well written and quite emotional. The contrast between Jo's inner world and outer surroundings was captured brilliantly. Nice job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


The emotion dripping from your words in this piece is truly amazing. I felt as if I could feel the beach underneath me as I read. Great read.

Posted 8 Years Ago


This has almost a lilting quality to it and the emphasis on her father adds to it perfectly. Nice job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


All though you could create a book, I think you should have her dream about her father and build off that

Posted 8 Years Ago


Oh how I would love to be there. It's snowing right now.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Loss of those close to us easily invades our thoughts and also our dreams. As the one year anniversary of my mother's death approaches, this story hit home even though I certainly am no child anywhere except in my sad heart as I remember. Thanks for sharing, Janie.

Posted 8 Years Ago


wow... beautiful, you certainly write some brilliant stories... kinda depressing this one is. its a beautiful description of someone who has fallen into despair

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on November 11, 2010
Last Updated on November 17, 2010

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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