A Godly Proposal

A Godly Proposal

A Story by Blade & Blood (The Black Plague)
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"Satire is wit with teeth and a purpose." ~Jonathan Swift

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Warning!

This essay is not for the weak-minded or those with weak stomachs. The essay you are about to read is a parody of Jonathan Swift's A Modern Proposal. The project was to write a proposal of our own, using any issue of our time. Enjoy.

   
A Godly Proposal
            Today, we face a horrible threat to our world. This issue has spawned infinite controversies for as long as civilized societies have been around. This threat has destroyed families, ruined lives, warped reality, and has cost us billions of dollars in property damages and space. We’ve taken it for thousands of years, but enough is enough. It’s time to get rid of religious fanaticism once and for all.
             Now, let me begin by admitting, religion has had its moments. It’s a comfort and a positive motivator, and the entities man has created for various belief systems have been the universal imaginary friend as well as beings we blame for many of the world‘s faults. All--if not, most--religions teach love and kindness; patience and hope; honor and respect. But ever since the underestimated discoveries of science had its breakthroughs, we have outgrown the use of religion; we are able to obtain good morals without it. Unfortunately, the heresies of science have made the religious discredit it, and that has developed into an unbearable struggle between those who know and those who believe. Only a precious few have seen the rocky ground in this downward spiral we call “Time,” and the fanaticism of these idiotic weaklings is getting on Mother Nature’s last nerve. There are so many issues in this world caused by these horrid people and their ridiculous pipe dreams! It’s high-time we send religion to the museums, where they belong. But, before we head to the solutions, let’s go over the problems. These nuisances of religious fanaticism has quite the lengthy list, so I will focus on the three major obstacles that have vexed the world for over two thousand years.
            First and foremost, we have the potential to educate ourselves about the world around us. We no longer have any use for the myths of Creation. For us to continue hanging on to these beliefs and practices is the equivalent of a forty-year-old living with his mom: Down-right PITIFUL. It has proven to be an enormous ball ‘n chain holding us back from doing extraordinary things and learning about the magnificence of the galaxy and beyond.
            Second, religious terrorism has horrified the people enough. From the Inquisitions to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to 9/11; just imagine a world without religion, where we wouldn’t have had to deal with this. It is crucial we rid ourselves of these faults in order to feel safer in an already dangerous world we have no control over. It’s best not to continue these risky traditions or else we may end up, neck deep, in our own blood. Bear in mind, these religious extremists actually look forward to the destruction of the world. They are misdirected masochists who are asking for the End of Times. This is our planet we are talking about! We must preserve and protect it as best as we can and for as long we can!
            Finally, religious or not, this world will have liars and manipulators. These psychic vampires are fully capable of spreading lunatic ideas for their own self-interest. If you know the origin of the Latter-Day Saints, then, you know exactly how easy it is to create a cult that preaches lies and false hope to their believers. Every religion started off as a cult with an egotistic leader in desire of fame and followers. It’s time to live above the influence.
            Now… the solutions. Originally, it would be easier to sentence them to Death, but I am not that nice… nor should the rest of you be so lenient. The death penalty simply shows how weak we can be as a society, therefore the religious should be treated like children who have become too old for imaginary friends; intensive therapy will be mandatory for any person to preach their so-called “truth.” As for the extremist… well, some say, “You can take the person out of Church, but you can’t take the relationship with God out of the person“… I say, “Sure you can! It’s called ‘shock therapy.’”
            Any parent who home-schools their children for religious reasons will be under the supervision of social workers. We do not want to take the parent away from the child, so the parents have the opportunity to choose between an insane asylum, where their beliefs will be taken by force, or the well-being of their children, where they will willingly give up their beliefs to properly educate their kids. Setting the imagination of a child in stone and stealing their mental freedom should be criminal enough.
            Any school which promotes “intelligent design” will be shut down due to the fact that it is neither intelligent nor is it design. Religious documents will not be destroyed for the sake of remembering how irrational and feeble we were in our History; we should not make the same mistake the Vatican did by burning books. Although, religious documents in libraries, bookstores, etc. will be moved and shelved in the Occult, Mythology, or (in the Book of Mormon’s case) the Science Fiction section; religious sections will be removed. Furthermore, religious conversions in jail cells will be illegalized.
            Illegal acts, such as murder, theft, fraud, and so on, driven by religious convictions will not be tolerated. Offenders will be an exception to the death penalty, for they are too dangerous to be kept in society, and therefore, are considered hopeless cases. They will be shot execution style within a week. Other exceptions would be fanatics who attempt to manipulate (i.e. convert, brainwash, etc.), missionaries, and the extremists who could not respond to the shock therapy.
*          *          *
            A massive, world-wide conversion is a painful process, but it must be done as quickly as possible. We gave religion a chance by providing a separation of church and state, in hopes that the religious will practice responsibly, but they have not returned the favor. Since they have disregarded the concept of “freedom of religion”, freedom from religion will be established.
            Not only do we have to accomplish this for the world, but we have to accomplish this for the sake of future generations. Our children are in dire need of help and education; without religion, children will be raised in a safer and more loving (and intelligent) environment. No guilt in faults, but rather teaching, learning, and living. No shame in instincts, but rather understanding, education, and awareness. And most importantly, no more myths, superstitions, and lies, but rather logic, reason, and responsibility that will reign for a better comprehension of our minds, bodies, peers, societies, and surroundings.

 


© 2009 Blade & Blood (The Black Plague)



Author's Note

Blade & Blood (The Black Plague)
... Bear in mind, it's a satire. Writing from the heart is one thing; writing from the heart through the mind is a little different.

When I read it aloud, half of the class was in shock.

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Oh my God, you read this out loud in class??? Did you bring a bullet-proof vest?
I kind of wouldn't blame them, it is pretty scary - actually it's kind of terrifying!
And did I mention and few hundred times you NEED to read 1984...? This essay reminded me a lot of that book. Nice one, haha...I wish I could've seen their faces!

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really like this .... alot of intersting details you have put into this.... a very amazing write ... i would love to sit in the front row to hear this one to look back and see the look upon everyone face would be priceless ... again nice job on this.... send me your writing anytime!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


dude what grade did you get?????? cause that was awesome im proud some of the youglings speak a open mind in schools today....im very religous but the things people say and do... always astound me. lets lead the weak and pave a wave for our future and let me know what the teacher said fuk the kids...oh yeah keep it up miss blood....

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Interesting. And wrong. First of all, the idea of sapping religion from the entire world is insane. Why? Everyone has a religion. Even the people who don't like religions have a religion: it's believing that they're better off without one. I'm not sure where you live...I live in America...but the idea of controlling people's religion goes against what America is about. The founding fathers of America were religious. But really it's not about religion...because there are a lot of false ones out there...it's about God and Jesus. You can call it Christianity if you want, but I think that term is overused. It's a relationship between me and Jesus. Sorry if that's too cheesy for you, but it is the truth. I also find it hard to believe that people can continue discovering the world and universe and think that it's all by chance. Because when I look at Creation, I see God. I see the beauty of what He has created. And while I think it is important to take care of what God's given us (the earth) I still find that most of what we humans are thinking up won't do a bit of good. It seems more like a futile attempt to prolong life because we're too scared to find out what happens at the end, when we're all dead.

"Any parent who home-schools their children for religious reasons will be under the supervision of social workers." Just so you know, I'm one of those home-schooled kids.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

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The first mistake
A band of soldiers finds diplomacy in the dreg forest comes with consequences.
Oh my God, you read this out loud in class??? Did you bring a bullet-proof vest?
I kind of wouldn't blame them, it is pretty scary - actually it's kind of terrifying!
And did I mention and few hundred times you NEED to read 1984...? This essay reminded me a lot of that book. Nice one, haha...I wish I could've seen their faces!

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 15, 2009
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Blade & Blood (The Black Plague)
Blade & Blood (The Black Plague)

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