make me.

Um, obvious, I guess?

some search for fountains. i know i did.
my eternal youth was misspent.
a punkrockgrungejazzfuckup.
ha. yes. i admit.

some search for diamond rings. i almost did.
and lost it because i was selfish, melodramatic.
i still am. yes. i admit.

i'd like to trace spirals upon hips and lips
and feel like it was returned
with as much grace
and sensuality,
with divinity and magic
and green-conscious-green-thisearthisfull
melody.

petals.
the taste of home in my belly.
awake yet sleeping.
i cannot exist.
oh. i've always existed.

but i forget
the loops and angles
to this conversation
i constantly have with myself.
always myself.
sometimes with another.
who connects.
receives.
transmits.

held hands.
fingers interlocked.
crushed lips.
tracing spirals.
oh.

make me.
forget.
everything.

Reviews

[Bubo]

Loved this..............the emotion underneath, very reflective and your structure grabs you.

some search for fountains. i know i did.
my eternal youth was misspent.
a punkrockgrungejazzfuckup.
ha. yes. i admit.

Also loved the erotic feel of your words, to be able to forget everything when touched.The conversations we might have physically with another, but the strenght of the voice within ourselves, looking back at past mistakes.
Really strong writing.

[Emily B]

skipping down memory lane a little this morning, and so good to find you here

[Doug]

profound. this speaks to me.

doug

[Bluet_Belle]

I like this a lot. The way the words move is, when read aloud, like tracing spirals:P

The rythm of it flows so well.

I agree with Bubo only, i dont think we should "be able to forget everything when touched" because, everything would enclude that feeling. And while, afterwards, that might be what we wanted, what good would it do to forget before it even happened? Everyone has memories theyd rather erase, but, i think i'd rather keep them all. But i am just selfish with my mistakes and lessons i learn along the way:P

And love isnt ever a mistake, if its love. Which i am sure it usually is on some level or another.

[Justin Tobey]

I loved this piece. You had vivid emotions and powerful description. In the beginning, I got a sense of regret, something we can all relate to. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. :D

[mysticgmekeepr]

I came back to read this a second time
and trace spirals on hips and lips,
maybe yours, maybe mine.

[mysticgmekeepr]

...sometimes with another who connects, receives, transmits. Very nice. I love the way you write. Kind of a rapid staccato beat like thoughts just tumbling over each other.

[vanishing]

I really enjoyed this writing, its highly eccentuated
and speaks itself as justified by poetical term
the form brings allows the ideas to
be expressed with specific passion
its not the meaning itself that touches me
its the way it is written, brilliant, expressive rendering
Thanks!

[[untitled]]

Ah where to start... That was intense. Sensual, visual, great unique composition. True treat to the eyes and ears. I've been on a reviewing rampage tonight, and this is my favorite one of the lot. The detached wandering of your words, with the voice clip... my mind melted. It has been a long LONG time, since I've experienced that! Especially on this site, and just in general... OK enough, ego stroking =P not something i do often! I will attempt to give a constructive and useful review! Though you have made it very tough...

One thing that really worked in the poem are the words you put all into one. That was very powerful as far as construction and flow. It worked really well in this piece.

This poems makes you feel like you are witness to an inner monologue in someone's head while they are experiencing an off moment in life.

Gah, don't change this poem. It is everything it should be. I've re-read it multiple times now, and every time I like it more. I find more in it.

Cheers,
Clara

[Hedra Helix]

this vocal too if youll let. damn this whole cd could be you;)

[xlynne]

i loved this poem! and i listened to your voice clip on it and they way you say it adds to the powerful emotions it packs. the structure and the particular use of words really brought the whole poem together to really deliver the message well and with a punch...or two