Awake

Awake

A Poem by JayG
"

Because a very special lady isn't with me...but should be.

"

Awake



I woke, enveloped within the comfort only your warmth can bring
My head was nestled into the curve of your shoulder, my hand on velvet skin, stroking.

But you weren’t there.

Memory brought the scent of woman: gentle, and softly sated with pleasure
So warm with sleep, so twined with hints of passions past:
An ambiance of morning…a residue of night…a reason for joy and tears

But you weren’t there.

I woke with you gathered tightly around my being, comforting and exciting, both at once.
I woke to memories and to desire, and to comfort, as my lips"of themselves"sought yours.

And then, you were there. But only for a moment:
In warmth
In passion
In comfort
In life
In all that matters.

But then, sadly, reality brought a sigh, and a turning inward
Because you weren’t there.

And on waking, I wept.


© 2017 JayG



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I have few words to say. I can feel the sorrow and the joy woven into the powerful words. Thank you for your experience it resonates well with the human heart and soul.

Posted 1 Month Ago


oh my Jay...

there is someone from my past who is the spirit of this poem...at least as i relate...
sometimes she is still there for me, even though i know she is with another and quite happy....there was love once...and i know that on both sides feelings remain...but circumstance overrode and life for the two of us went in opposite directions...but good memories still lie next to me on that other pillow.
thank you for this...

j.

Posted 2 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Constructive plus constructive equals constructive. Constructive plus criticism equals constructive criticism. Meeting in Constructive Criticism is as far to the middle path as one can go to hold them in order to lift them up. Once constructive criticism is complete; constructive-constructive-constructive.

Posted 2 Months Ago


0 of 3 people found this review constructive.

You write so beautifully...I wish you would give others constructive criticism instead of bringing them down. There's a lot others could learn from you if you weren't so self-righteous in your view of the writing of others.

Posted 2 Months Ago


2 of 3 people found this review constructive.

JayG

2 Months Ago

Telling people of the problems in the work, why those things are a problem, and how find the informa.. read more
thanks for sharing your poetry. there is someone out there for everyone. I hope you find your perfect soulmate.

Posted 2 Months Ago


0 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I like the poem, but I can't help but wonder if you could give yourself the advice you generally prescribe to. "This poem is narrated by someone we don't know that misses another person we don't know. The reader doesn't have much of an inclination to be emotionally attached to the persons involved." Again, I'm not sure I even agree with the advice, but seeing as you've mentioned things along this line quite a bit, I wanted to know your thoughts on it.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Somewhat short but complex on a very personal level. A poem many can relate to in a sad way. I think you've done a pretty good job capturing the various emotions involved with this "Idea".

All in all, a pretty nice poem you've written. :)

Posted 2 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Being that all the poems I've read by you are structured, I was somewhat surprised to read this, but nevertheless, I find it impressive.
There's a soft tenderness woven through your words with a melancholic tug of longing. I love how your ideas drift back and fourth from dreams to reality and lead to the poignant sigh of "And on waking, I wept." Simple, but an overall effective line.

Regarding the dashes, you can use a horitzontal bar instead, as pasted here in parenthesis (―). It's a bit bulkier than a dash, but if you put it in Times font and italicize it, you'll hardly notice the difference.

- William Liston

Posted 2 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 27, 2017
Last Updated on August 27, 2017

Author

JayG
JayG

Philadelphia, PA



About
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