Awake

Awake

A Poem by JayG
"

Because a very special lady isn't with me...but should be.

"

Awake



I woke, enveloped within the comfort only your warmth can bring
My head was nestled into the curve of your shoulder, my hand on velvet skin, stroking.

But you weren’t there.

Memory brought the scent of woman: gentle, and softly sated with pleasure
So warm with sleep, so twined with hints of passions past:
An ambiance of morning…a residue of night…a reason for joy and tears

But you weren’t there.

I woke with you gathered tightly around my being, comforting and exciting, both at once.
I woke to memories and to desire, and to comfort, as my lips�"of themselves�"sought yours.

And then, you were there. But only for a moment:
In warmth
In passion
In comfort
In life
In all that matters.

But then, sadly, reality brought a sigh, and a turning inward
Because you weren’t there.

And on waking, I wept.


© 2017 JayG



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Reviews

I absolutely loved it ! The memories , the loneliness..you captured it all so well :)

Posted 5 Months Ago


As someone who has recently lost someone they love, this hit home for me. I can relate deeply. The crave for human interaction and care comes from deep within and surrounds us everyday, this piece really dug deep with this idea.
Please, feel free to return the favour and give me feedback on my most recent piece.
Thank you.

Posted 5 Months Ago


It's almost like an animal that can't find food. It searches and searches for something so basic to its life but goes hungry.

There are basic human needs and when someone who fulfilled those needs isn't there, the whole body reacts like it's starving.

I can feel the sadness in this. More than sadness actually.

Posted 5 Months Ago


This is super sad. Those few moments between dream and awake are always the hardest time to deal with disappointment.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Monday Parker

5 Months Ago

Good job. This was a wonderful read. Thank you.
That moment when all Your senses are sensitively awake... that moment when Your spirit is raising high, touching through the rising the energy of that beloved Soul... being caressed in each fiber of Your being with such amount of that mysterious power, of that most divine warmth, no words to express it... only to be felt, as Your words are deeply felt within my heart, I would give anything to feel this again... and it's not only the death what might dragged these words, separation comes in some others forms too.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Hi jay great work from a master in poetry. I always find your reviews of others works educational and most informative ie concise. This was just excellent.

Posted 5 Months Ago


so so sad at times I think that I am alone with similar feelings , but many people around our world have loved and lost that dearest person/ friend etc
your beautiful poem with that haunting repetition is well done and profoundly painful... and written so well.

Posted 6 Months Ago


The words are few, but meanings numerous,
Each of us feel our own resplendent grief.
Those who know all and feel most generous,
bring evil to our souls and not relief.

Time smirks at us, for we are standing strong,
'Builds character?' That notion is debunked.
No matter of the pressure or how long,
the ambiance of morning has been junked

So, stand upon our patience and our trust,
One day we'll find it's passed despite the hitch
Contempt for memory's fresh, disgusting lust,
We bury these reflections in a twitch.

Past deeds rush in to try and make a case,
Ignoring all those tears upon the face,


Posted 6 Months Ago


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k
You've managed to perfectly capture the tone of loneliness and want through this poem. You utilize repetition well with the line "but you weren't there" which acts as a refrain for the poem. There's some really nice diction/syntax in here, it was a joy to read.

One thing you could consider in revision is making it a bit clearer when "she" is physically there and when she is not, and if the speaker is imagining her as there then that could be clearer as well. As I was reading it, I found myself having a hard time deciphering what was imagination, what was figurative, and what was "her" actually physically being there.

All in all, this is a really lovely poem. I hope this review is helpful!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Beautiful words! This poem really had me hooked and I felt a deep connection to it. I have experienced this myself, with constant memories and flashbacks of someone I was once madly in love with. It is an odd experience, as it is painful yet beautiful and your words portray this perfectly.

Posted 6 Months Ago



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Added on August 27, 2017
Last Updated on August 27, 2017

Author

JayG
JayG

Philadelphia, PA



About
    I'm old, fairly stupid, and I never did set women's hearts aflutter when I came into the room. To make matters worse, I'm a know-it-all. People often dislike me when we first m.. more..

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