Naked B***h

A "this is not a love poem," poem.

NAKED B***H

 

 

Oh naked b***h with whip and chain

You flay my soul, you burn my brain

You give me hate, and only pain

(Yet here I am with you again)

 

Oh naked b***h with eyes of flame

It’s not for me your heart to tame

To you it’s all a boring game

(I cannot seize your secret name)

 

Oh naked b***h when will it end?

My dreams you break, my soul you rend

In hell with you, my time I spend

(It’s me who’ll break, you’ll never bend)

 

Oh naked b***h with hip and thigh

Oh hear my prayer, and heed my cry

You bind my soul, my life you tie

(Please stop the hurt, and let me die)

 

Oh naked b***h, my life you crush

My dreams all torn, their contents gush

And yet to you again I rush

(And when I cry, you tell me hush)

 

Oh naked b***h, I made you so

With deed and word, and even blow

The things I did you’ll never know

(Oh naked b***h I love you so)

 

Oh naked b***h who I adore

Though thousands lay upon the floor

We run to you and ask for more

Oh naked b***h

Your name is War!

Author's Note

This began as something angry, though I can't remember what brought that mood. And truly, I didn't know what I was writing about till I reached the last stanza. And that wrote itself. I chose iambic tetrameter because the drumbeat cadence, and the repeated rhyme seemed to add momentum.

The change-up from declaration to editorial comment in L4 of each stanza but the last was meant to lower the intensity of the drumbeat, as a contrast and virtual pause, though I have no idea of what prompted me to to make the line parenthetical, other than it seemed, to me, to imply a whisper. It seemed to work for me, but...well, everything works for the one who writes it.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I didn't expect that revealing turn of words. As the poor tortured one complained of Naked B***h's cruel treatment, I thought, "Well, why do you avail yourself to her? Seems like you don't mind it all that much." Then the surprising truth comes. Your technical explanation is wasted on me, unlearned, as I am, but I can still enjoy the poem on its face.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Jay,
As I see that you are online I thought I would check to see if per chance there was a poem of yours I did not read yet...and, I happily found this one (the only one!) I have not read.
The title is fabulous and draws your reader in to find out what your poem is all about. And, what a surprise it was that this was not about a woman.
As I am learning more and more about how to correctly write a structured poem I was glad to see your Author's Notes.
Made my understanding better and more enjoyable.
Plus, I understand completely the strangeness of not knowing where a poem is going until the last stanza as this often happens to me
To "imply a whisper" works well in your poem.
Thank you!!
Lisa, now in Spain

[JayG]

Thank you, Lisa. 🤗

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome!
Lisa

[Helen]

I like the sound of this poem, although i am going to have to look up what iambic tetrameter that means when I have finished this review! Being a bit shy I am slightly uncomfortable with the subject matter, but I think this is a superb poem, in that it flows so well with the rhyming (none of the words feel forced) and forms into a coherent 'story' and an insight into someone's psyche - or maybe an insight into the masculine psyche? (although I would not want to assume that this could relate to all men because neither men nor women like to be put in a box or tarred with a single brush.

[Dave Brown]

I read an account somewhere, at some time, delving into our long ago beginnings, compiled though archeological digs, which indicated that war has been a constant part of our existence.
A naked b***h indeed
Think we would wise up

[Sir Aphid]

it makes me think of a dominatrix lol. To me I see a love hate relationship between both women and violence (war). I like this poem.

[Akshay Rawal]

I enjoyed the Imabic parameter, quite rhythmic (1 and 2 and 3 and 4..) I did see you started this on an angry and contemptuous note but then the mood set itself to a more natural tone of helplessness. Beauty can evoke all different kinds of feelings but can never be ignored, so this tone was but natural. The poet will have to give in to the charm of the subject. He'll have to acknowledge that this hate, this pain, this frustration is his ego and sanctity being crushed by the charm and attractiveness of this Naked B***h.

I won't go very technical here, but it did appeal to the feeling of helplessness and desperation of being able to get an object of beauty to crave back for us, while that desperation does nothing but increases our crave for them. i understood that narrative :)

Thanks for sharing.

[Laz K.]

"B***h" in the title is a surefire way to get attention.
It'd work even if it weren't about war.
The poem could be about every destructive force that causes pain, hurt, destruction: the archetype of "b***h-ness."

[Just Kim]

WOW!! Ever so awesome here! This is so very well written.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

The ending really gives this piece such a different feel than initially expected, and forces the reader to reevaluate from line one. Great write.

[Sarah]

Damn JayG I love the hate and love in your writing it's so emotional. Do you like BDSM... I like the tital Naked B***h tell it as it is...

[JayG]

I'm not into Fet life, I'm afraid. But the entire purpose of fiction and poetry is to move the reader emotionally. Without that it's nonfiction, right?