Waiting

A romantic lament

Waiting

Among the crowd, it’s you I see
You own my heart, you hold the key
My vision dark except for you
I see no room, no other view
You steal my sense,

my eyes both blind
Except for you
You fill my mind

You move with grace, the tiger's stalk
(my throat so dry I scarce can talk)
The piercing eye, the thrust of breast
(my heart is tearing in my chest)
In pain I gaze at hip and thigh
Who holds your love
Not I
Not I

Not for me those hidden graces
Not for me those secret places
Not for me love's lip on lip
And not for me caress of hip
No love for me, not even rind
Except for you
You fill

my mind

How came I thus to my sad fate?
To lose the one I need for mate
So many others more than I
Will please your sight, will catch your eye
I grope for words to bid you stay
To reach your heart, to find the way
But words still fail to pierce the veil
With silent tears, again I fail

You stand while I, with hope forlorn
Must curse the day that I was born
I need your mind, your scent, your touch
(the day we met I knew that much)
I know my fate is linked to you
(but how to make you see that, too?)

I watch you standing clothed in night
With eyes of mist and teeth so white
You touch my hand with skin of silk
The curve of breast, oh love's sweet milk
Tear from my lips the words to bind
(before, Dear God, I lose my mind)

You turn to me, all grace and fire
My flame of love, my blazing bier
You touch my cheek.... Will waiting end?
You smile and say, "Good night my friend."

I stand and weep, my hopes unwind
Except for you
You fill
My mind

 

Reviews

[Gideon X. A. Elson]

Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh... the rhymes the theme the contents therein resonate with me beautifully my friend. As I said before if continue this does when pursuing your work then,, scarce find words to describe the emotions brought forth! BRAVO again bravo again!
P.s had to come back and add that, that second to last stanza is perfection! You take the reader to the edge of ecstacy and then as is only fate could deem, let them down as gracefully as the maiden of whom you write does our protagonist!

[Swoo]

This is beautiful and captivating - lovely work

[William Michael Reeves]

I like that idea! A Lament as a poetic form. I liked the structure of this one. The excellent rhythm and rhyme. I'll usually recite something out loud to check the overall flow and this recites nicely! I'm starting to think you're kind of horny.

[JayG]

She was a very special lady. And the poem worked. 😆

[Cherrie Palmer]

This creation is filled with perfection. As a poem goes it has it all. A good poem will make us feel and or think. A great poem will do both.

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
Just finished reading Waiting...
I am new to all this..submitting my work for the first time...although I have been writing since I was 10..so 63 years..
I read your bio and although long I reread it... There is something about the way you write..even in a bio that has a way of pulling a person in...and for me (and I am new at this) is the sign of a great story teller.
I really liked your emotional poem..and plan to read more of your writings..

[JayG]

Thank you. 🤩

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome!!

[JE Falcon]

Excellent was my remark, but the computer fails to see that "Excellent" says it all. So I'll just say that this poem is an emotional Roller Coaster that only the writer fully experienced. And though I loved it, I was just along for the backseat ride.

[R E Tree]

This is definitely more than just the average poem. Each line is very mindful in its own way. It’s passionate and it compels me as I read. The poem is playful and yet so delightful as well. It’s almost like a guilty pleasure in itself.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I enjoyed reading this poem of yours. I could empathize with the unrequited love of this poetic tale. The best art is the one that speaks from the heart. It reveals the layers of our humanity. The hank you for sharing your work with us.

[eaglefeather]

I could feel the pain you put into the poem and follow the emotion of the narrator.

[mattavelli]

Hello, Jay! :)
This is a lovely rhyme and a well told story. I enjoyed the repetition, and it didn't slow the story much. You seem to be stuck in the friendzone, but that touch on the cheek reads to me like she's waiting too. I really enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.