Self obsessed

A Story by Jayme

A little rant I wrote a couple months ago when I got my heart broken for the 100th time

So many women are obsessed these days with being independent, self-efficient. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s also nothing wrong with relying on someone when you need it. You can still be independent in a team. You can still have your down time and then have someone to come home too.

But Is it so bad to have a yearning to love someone? I feel as if I have so much love in me, I need an outlet. I so badly want to care for someone. Be there for them when there sad. Help them when they need me. I just want to be somebody`s rock. Is that so wrong?

Maybe it is to some. I get told I’m too nice. I give people too many chances. I choose to always see the good in people. I can`t explain why I’m like that it`s just how I am.

Sometimes this desire to be connected to someone can drive me crazy. I get insecure, I worry, and it causes me to lash out.

Repeatedly it happens. Countless times I get let down my men. I keep getting disappointed and I start to wonder…is it them or am I simply not good enough? Or are there too many options? Or is he just ‘too busy’ (if I had a dollar) And yet I keep trying.

I just want to love like I am not afraid. Like I have never been hurt before. I want something so strong. Untouchable to anyone else. I just want that bond. I want to be someone’s everything.

And of course, the tears have started. Because these feelings are so strong, I don’t know what to do with them.

These days you need to have a career, a billion friends and have travelled the world before you even dare think about settling down. But why can`t I go on the journey of pursuing my career with a man by my side. What if I’m content with the few loyal friends I have, and I don’t need to go grab a bunch of fake ones? What if I want to travel the world with my love.

And at the end of the day although my hobbies and interests do fulfil me and I’m so grateful for my family and friends love is still going to be a missing part of the puzzle.