Unhealthy mistake

Sitting on the verge of a bed with my back

hunched passed my knees as my head tilts wile

I stare into space

 

Holding a bottle of Jack like my son with one

hand and balancing a cigarette between two of

my fingers in the other

 

I just had sex for all the wrong reasons; not even

deep breaths and several pitiful attempts of

self justification can rescue me

 

I turn my head as she removes herself from 

the covers of self loathing just to get my last glimpse

from behind

 

No matter how you look at it, eyes of lust will

always follow, but there’s no way I can look from

the front for the fear of complete self destruction

 

I can hear the sounds of silence as she slowly dresses

and leaves to rejoin humanity along with my dignity

 

The money’s by the door are the only words that are

spoken and the only words entrenched in memory    

 

  

Reviews

[emmajoy]

An honesty that rarely finds its way into the appreciation of how a piece is written rather than the crass 'wow, oh my'. You've written with verve and sincerity, certainly no frills or fun here but it's truth therefore, it packs a punch, same time, touches its nose at polite society.

Great stanza, ' Holding a bottle of Jack like my son with one ~ hand and balancing a cigarette between two of ~ my fingers in the other ..' interesting reference to a son .. a clue to the place outside this tableau.

[Dye]

A very clear image in this piece that leaves the reader (that'd be me ;) feeling that state of depression along with the character here. This has a very real feel with the head hung in shame, the booze to fuel the actions and the regret felt all to late. Everyone has their vices, and those not so proud moments. It's what you take from those experiences, what you learn, that makes you grow. Ha- listen to me get all preachy. I really just wanted to say, "nicely penned" :)

[koty bell]

Wow Theres alot og regret sadness and mental Anguish in this but this poem os very real and also very good Nice work:)

[Graggz]

lovely poem well expressed

[Red Brick Keshner]

But spoken by whom? Ah must be for her as she is the one getting dressed.

[S]

Very honest, I liked it, especially that it was written from a man's view less typically expressed regarding such encounters. The last two lines left me wondering who was actually paying whom, which was an interesting thought.

[Sleeping Maiden]

I love the honesty here! It's true about some of life's mistakes. It's very well written. Your words seems to be alive and captures your readers.
Great job!! =)

[*** Hey Jude***]

You have a wonderful presentation to your work. Your words come to life in the hand of your pen.
"I just had sex for all the wrong reasons; not even
deep breaths and several pitiful attempts of
self justification can rescue me"
You are right on target, as you share the pulse of life's beat.
Well Done! ~ :-)

[Brittany]

This was a great 'story' and I liked the words and flow. Wonderful job. Loved it.

[Leslie Philibert]

What I like about this is its honesty, street poetry, words from real life, well
written, visual, accomplished. Nice one.

[Allan Eddings]

You have a very mature pen, you tackle these subjects without the immaturity of resorting to overt references and instead allow the oblique to inform the reader. This piece in particular has a wonderful hazy feel to it, like a memory obscured by too much drink - something I am familiar with from time to time ha! It does not describe the actors within in detail instead it allows the reader to transpose whatever characters they wish: for some this could be a cheating husband, for others an abusive father, for others it could be their first time, or so many others. I enjoy it immensely for that fact alone.

The only clue within to the author's own characterisation of the actor's is the line "Holding a bottle of Jack like my son..." But even that is not explained anymore. As if the poem itself is ashamed to reveal too much. Simply beautiful.

Seeing as everyone else is offering life advice I shall offer mine, though with the caveat that it is not without reason I have been called the devil or Don Juan. Taste of every tree in the garden of life at least once, preferably more, deny yourself nothing, it is an insult to creation to be temperate. Temptation is best resisted by surrendering to it.

And so I shall conclude. Though I must add that really this is one of your best works, bravo!

Regards,
A.E.