Simply

feelings I hid from everyone.

I looked at you across from the table,

cowering beneath your shadow

because it loomed over me like the Eiffel tower.

I admired you, looking so glamorous and just so cool,

with a structure of steel, you radiated strength,

so shiny and it made me want to be like you,

I wanted to be like you,

strong like you- cool, calm, and collected like you

so I stayed in your shadow,

trying all the time to catch up to you.  

but instead I tripped and fell,

and you wee so far ahead

and you were simply not mine

I thought about eating forbidden fruit,

but the juice sifts from sweet to sour

so soon, so sudden, and so I turn away,

but see you from the distance. 

It makes me hunger and envy,

emotions that stir my flesh

Nothing more to do now, but walk away

so  I simply walk away. 

Of course no one will notice the pieces of my heart

in my trail, stained with my tears glistening on the ground

like drops of dew on the grass after a bad storm. 

Each broken piece, dropped, yet cut like strands of hair.

It can no longer be me, it is no longer me, and I am moving on

because in the steel structure is rust like any other building-

and I realize now comparing you to the Eiffel tower was a horrible simile

you maybe special to her, but nothing special to me

because the more I see of you, the more I know

it was simply never meant to be

 

Reviews

[Stefanie Holmes]

"but instead I tripped and fell,
and you wee so far ahead" 'wee' I believe you are missing the 'r'

Other than that small typing error I thought the poem was lovely. I could feel the emotions pouring out of your words and that's exactly what you want your readers to experience.

~Stefanie

[No one]

Wauw such an inspiration. Like this part:
'I admired you, looking so glamorous and just so cool,
with a structure of steel, you radiated strength,
so shiny and it made me want to be like you,
I wanted to be like you.'

And everything comes back together in the end, very strong.
Keep it up!

[Shaquana Adams]

I enjoyed your imagery here. You can't control how something like this can effect you.

because the more I see of you, the more I know
it was simply never meant to be

Favorite lines! :)

[Brittany Zedalis]

Sometimes relationships simply aren't meant to be and moving on is the best bet. This is a very wonderful poem.

[Coll Silvermoon]

This is terrific. I enjoyed every part, the comparison, the contrasts, the sensory input. You bring it all together at the end. I love it!

[Pryde Foltz]

thought about eating forbidden fruit,
but the juice sifts from sweet to sour

A really wonderful write. JazzSoulKeke. Very expressive and some lovely turns of phrase.

[Lydia Shutter]

The sooner you realize a relationship was not meant to be, the better off you are, no doubt about it. Your simile and metaphor are great and the imagery is powerful. I liked your poem. Lydi**

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

We can never control how one affects us. Wonderful piece on that very journey.

[wordman]

this is really a great story,you could turn it in to a book
thanks for stopping by
ron