The Note

The Note

A Poem by Robert Luna
"

Just something that came to me. I hope you enjoy it.

"

There mingled, intertwined with pocket lint and loose coins

are the words I love you scribbled on a crinkled napkin

A confession, proclamation if you would,

just words on a page to most

but these words mean the world to him

Having found them three days, two hours, and twenty eight minutes

from that moment….when his heart broke a thousand times, a thousand ways

 

The moment he heard you were never coming home

It’s all he has

It’s all that remains of you he holds onto

Carefully he folds it end over end twice

and once more to be safe

Wouldn’t want to let the words of his soul escape

These faded words written in red lipstick, words that won’t erase

 

A heart expressed so simply, so purely, so perfectly in three words

In his head retracing that day

Oh how he begged you to just stay

to waste the day away laying in bed

Seems a lifetime ago, but a lifetime too soon

But a man of his word, promising to love you forever

and that’s exactly what he will do

 

There in his pocket he carries his heart

upon three little words scribbled on a napkin

The words I Love You

It’s all he has left, but it’s enough

for him to wear a smile to hide the tears

Photobucket


© 2008 Robert Luna



Author's Note

Robert Luna
Just something that came to me I hope you enjoy it

My Review

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Featured Review

As usual, you have turned out a very well-written piece. The intense sorrow was so palpable that I can feel tears in my eyes. My heart broke for him, carrying his only reminder of his true love.

I found myself falling into this piece, which is the norm when reading your work. It was delicate and gentle, yet deeply sad and touching. It's hard to combine those aspects, yet you do so beautifully. Well done.

But a man of his word, promising to love you forever
and that's exactly what he will do

By far your most moving lines... These keep floating around in my head. To keep a promise to someone who is no longer around... That's a trait not often seen. It is held in very high regard.

I loved that you wrote this in a way that forced the reader to draw his or her own conclusions. Did she die? Did she leave? Where did she go and why did she leave? Those issues remain unresolved; it's up to the reader. I love pieces that do this. Like life, you didn't wrap this piece up completely, resolving all the issues. There are still some questions that need to be answered. I loved this!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Woah! That was something! So moving, so touching, so real! And, there are so few men in the world who are actually such...I mean, you would be hard pressed to find someone like that...someone who is every woman's dream...

Your words carry powerful images that so neatly and clearly express such profound thoughts and emotions. I am surprised how sweetly sad the write-up is. Am looking forward to read your other works!

God Bless!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I enjoyed this very much. So sad. So affirming. Nicely done.

Gray

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

what an emotional piece of writing... you did such a beautiful job expressing the story of this fictional man. great write

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is quite sad in a lot of ways.. holding on to somthing you know you will never get .. love.. also holding it in your heart in the pocket.. very sad.. but overall i loved it.. great job..

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like that he carries the note in his pocket, because it something I have done. There is some kind of comfort to reaching into your pocket and feeling closer to someone you can't at the moment touch.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicely done. Was thinking this is a neat opening to a story as the reader is left wondering how the note appeared and why. Was this an illicit affair? Maybe a break-up with a girlfirend? Or a wife?
Of course you could write more poems to explain the situation in full. Let your mind wander and see if we can follow your thoughts......

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

that's a very bitter sweet poem. More narrative than most of your work. I enjoyed this very much, your word smithing never ceases to impress me, Robert.

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This struck me and here's why: I had a discussion with a 'friend' who argued there are no worthy men in this world - they are all bad men looking for good women to inure. I disagreed and recieved a lecture about feminism. Needless to say it left a bitter taste in my mouth, but what angered me most was that she didn't see men as having emotions - let alone human beings.

They pine for love lost, just like we do, and this poem illuminates that in a very tender and painful way. I think I'll pass it along to her. Perhaps she might see that even men have the ability to cry and mourn the loss of their beloved.

take care,
lilain

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Very sad, and so beautiful. Lost love is such a hard thing to get over. I love the idea of him clinging to this piece of napkin as a reminder of her love. Great writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

As usual, you have turned out a very well-written piece. The intense sorrow was so palpable that I can feel tears in my eyes. My heart broke for him, carrying his only reminder of his true love.

I found myself falling into this piece, which is the norm when reading your work. It was delicate and gentle, yet deeply sad and touching. It's hard to combine those aspects, yet you do so beautifully. Well done.

But a man of his word, promising to love you forever
and that's exactly what he will do

By far your most moving lines... These keep floating around in my head. To keep a promise to someone who is no longer around... That's a trait not often seen. It is held in very high regard.

I loved that you wrote this in a way that forced the reader to draw his or her own conclusions. Did she die? Did she leave? Where did she go and why did she leave? Those issues remain unresolved; it's up to the reader. I love pieces that do this. Like life, you didn't wrap this piece up completely, resolving all the issues. There are still some questions that need to be answered. I loved this!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 24, 2008

Author

Robert Luna
Robert Luna

Somewhere between here and there



About
My name is Robert. I write therefore I feel I am. My words come from my heart, soul, and mind. I write what I feel and see, life is my inspiration. Life itself is art in its purest form. There is noth.. more..

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