Winter

Out the window

bare trees 

click

day deepens

as a hush

of wind 

arrives

as I arrive

often, here

in this small 

house

alone

except for

snapping wood 

in a fireplace

and a

determined

pen

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there is a coldness to this poem, and yet that snapping wood and the sound of the pen...
in the harshest circumstances, the muse keeps us warm...
i like the really short lines in this...less is more...and especially here...left me going outside to get some more firewood.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Jacob. You know I'm more narrative, but I wanted to try something different and here it is. This is the first draft. Hope to work on it.

Thanks again. Always good to hear from you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like it, as is...
it works.

[Levi Levin]

Sounds very relaxing. Getting ready to snow a bunch in some of the western states. Great poem!

[Roger Turgeon]

I think the fact that you arrive there often speaks to the tranquility you find in that small house.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Roger. I appreciate your comment.

[Chris]

It took me the normal three reads aloud to develop the breath breaks and understand the content's flow. I didn't feel cold or discomfort or even aloneness. I did feel an awareness of the surroundings and a desire to be just there. Perhaps it was just me.

[JenniferMarie]

No that's exactly what I wanted to convey. I was happy to be there. Cozy in winter hoping to be inspired and write. :)

[Chris]

then you touched me... and succeeded in getting your thought to me.

[Frontier]

I agree with Jacob, there is a coldness about this, which is difficult to do. The simplicity and short lines also add to that effect, its like I can feel how the person feels in that small house. Excellent.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. May I ask what would you change? What didn't work for you? If nothing that's fine, but in order to grow I don't mind at all what the reader saw that failed. Look forward to reading your work.

[Frontier]

I really don't see a thing I would change...I like it as it is. :)

[JenniferMarie]

Yay! well thats so cool. Can't wait to read your writing. :)

[JenniferMarie]

I heart writers!