(Artistic) Oppression

Sleeping on the edge of your mind;
a bed cloud, floating in twilight
Passing cars and all night bars
with a low hum of comfortable silence

A tree nearly snags your dreams;
a twig and a thorn in your side
Pinching imagination and relaxation
with dry tones of advanced machinery

There lie your vulnerabilities

Out there, among the rubbish;
a drum beat leading your heart
Mimicking melodies and reveries
with high bells of alarming ignorance

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

Hmmm. I liked this made me think of a person thinking to themselves trying to find their muse of creativity or to go to sleep and not being able to shout down their head. I know both of those feelings but the sleep thing I deal with nightly. So this speaks to me on a very deep and personal level to the point I felt I could have been your muse for this piece. Writing the words in my head. I always love how you are able to paint an image so clear that it leaps from the page.


Great Job!!!!!!

[SM Davis]

Jenny your imagery here is absolutely and stunningly impeccable! this is a simple piece that speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing!

interesting,I really did enjoy this one,I cant say I really understand what it's about though,I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

[Rodwonder]

This has a great rythm, I love poems with rythm because of my love for music. I'm always thinking how the notes would wrap around each word. Love the last two lines, it's so true...

[Lorraine Pearson]

The flow of this one leaves me wanting more! "There lie your vulnerabilities." The interruptions that invade the creative process--there might as well be a time bomb ticking. (But I prefer your descriptions far more to that.) Eloquent despite the frustration--truly Oppression. :)
~Lorraiyne

[The Archangel Gabriel]

"A tree nearly snags your dreams"

That has to be my favorite line. You have such a graceful elegance with words. They seem to float and dance with a life of their own. Well penned.

Peace and love,
Gabe

[Gary Alexander Azerier]

Ah! My second favorite. Two teaky comments, however, if I may: "There LIE? your vulnerabilities"...and a somewhat subjective matter of English preference: Among...instead of the mostly outdated and bit affected "amongST"
Lovely piece, Jenny,
GA

[Lionel Braud]

I like the idea of " sleeping on the edge of our mind". for me this poem has many windows. it seems that all points of view are being pulled from more than one source giving the poem some great depth and philosophical insight.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

I agree with Robert Luna on this one or it could be one trying to fight writer's block based on the title. In any case, vivid imagery and description in a succinct form. Nice write. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Emily B]

Made me think of being paralyzed by fear. Lost in a dream that seems far too real. I suppose it is a nightmare for us to be unable to express our thoughts.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

The last two lines were my favorite part. The words fit so snugly together that they seem made for one another. I know that wonderful feeling when that happens. It couldn't happen to a better or more talented poet.