Homeboy

I wrote this about my boyfriend at the time. He was a drunk, an addict and thought he was a thug and no one could get through to him. I never showed him this but re-reading it now am glad it's over.

Smoke like a diesel 
Drink like a fish
To every one else, you say 
"You wanna piece of this?"
Party hard, your motto is YOLO! 
Keep it up
You'll be living life solo
Think you're so brave 
With one foot in the grave
To be brought down a peg
You need a kick in the head 
Think you're hard 
Think you're cool
Acting like a child 
Acting like a fool
Hurting your loved ones
With a double edged tongue 
Harsh words cut deep 
Their price is steep
Pushing away
The compassion of others
Pushing away 
Friends, family, and lovers
So please think twice 
Before you roll
The Devil's dice 
Say this because we care
Your loss we couldn't bare
So if you're reading this 
Feeling guilt
Then you know you've 
Drove your sword 
To the hilt
It's not to late
To make amends 
We'll be here waiting 
For this to end.

Author's Note

Please give me feedback.

Reviews

[DirectTangent]

The repetitive phrasing you’ve used kind of conveys a sense that this is about long-standing behaviors, an action-consequence litany. You almost predict a future outcome with an added knowing intuition that the behavior isn’t going to change. One small thing to mention and that might be to change “lose” to “loss”.
I hope you keep writing.

[Jessalynn]

I can't believe I didnt catch that thank you for mentioning it. :)

[SmittyJas]

Would get his attention to wake up and care for his family and change his evil ways that are keeping you apart in the heart.

[78Jon]

Funny. Very comical to me. I'm trying to think if I've known anyone that suits this poem. No one comes to mind immediately.

[SuspectGray]

I believe in the line "Your lose we couldn't bare" you mean "loss" not "lose". I enjoyed the easy flow of this rap/poem. Glad you were able to distance yourself from the homeboy. ( : O )

[Jessalynn]

Yes someone mentioned that. Thank you so much for the review im glad you enjoyed it :) and yes I dodged a bullet on that one. I did learn a lot from the relationship though.

[Bohrium Guy]

I really thought you displayed you ideal here very well. The thug life approach. LOL well done Missy!

~Rob~