Impatience

It starts the same way.
I walk down that sidewalk to that one place where I know I can escape for a while, and I expect (or rather, hope) that someone is there to go with me. I get disappointed when I get there and see that no one waited for me.
Then I hear one of two things: either someone will be there soon or no one will show up at all.
Until I find out for sure, though, I get angry. So much, that in fact it is divided three ways: to myself, to the world, to the one I'm waiting on.
It doesn't help at all that my temper is wired to my eyes, which means, congratulations, I cry when angry.
I wish I never was that impatient enough to get to that point when this happens.
While waiting on someone last week, I actually wrote a short freewrite that for now I'm keeping hidden except for the one part where I write about how I need some help in dealing with this.
It's one of the few things that I absolutely hate about myself, and I wish that it could disappear... but when I love, it's only more prominent.
And I'm scared that I will eventually lose some people because of this.
I know there is absolutely know way to stop expecting people to be there for me. I know they can't be there for me all the time, but when I love them THISMUCH I can't help it but expect it of them.
Maybe that's why some friendships fail with me; my expectations are just too high... or are they?