Deaf and Dumb

Poem about my feelings towards my life and boyfriend

Would I be covered in blood
Could Insee what really is
Stop feeling purposely numb 
Could I see the truth
If I was deaf and dumb
Could I get up like I never fell down
Knock them out and block it out
Forget about the ground and fall
Am I wrong to conclude
I could hear my muse
If I was deaf and dumb
You may have fell but I think you're good at it 
All these tools and I cant use one of them
I wake up in a cold sweat every time I drift
Spin around and around and around
Waiting for the plates to
Shift
Tell me how that somehow you know it now
Despite the scars Im not bent or broken 
If I was deaf and dumb
Integrity is all we have
We could pretend lies are justified 
But we would be lying to ourselves
Decide what is worth the fight
Emerge from the lake
Over two decades scared and lonely 
Arrow to my heart says I believe you 
Owe it to the sad truth 
That Im not deaf and dumb