Cheap Shots

The falling out that leads to endless harassment.

Cheap Shots

It’s okay somewhere, where ever there is

You want me scared, did you ever care

Is this how you hunt the fox that escapes your snares

No distance far enough, no path hard enough

You seem to find me, you seem to still think this is love

You’re gripping my arms is no kind of charm

Bruises and harm,

“I’m going back home to the farm”

I’d leave this moment if you weren’t in the way

Begging for atonement

I’m no Judas and you’re no Jesus, nothing to miss

I know this time I’ll have to do this

But you’re quick to strike down my bliss

I guess my face got in the way of what your hand was trying to say

Sorry honey,

I know having to give me a bloody nose isn’t funny

Don’t worry though I won’t go out when it’s sunny

You’re back and that’s that

I grabbed a wash clothe as I sat

You kicked my cat and I snapped

I remember the red, I remember nights in pain pinned to ”our” bed

You inside me, places I can’t see and ignoring my tears of agony

YOU NEVER CARED

Let’s start there

I grabbed your hair, for the first time I saw you scared

Us within a picture frame and your face

Immediately became the same

My friend dials 911 on the phone

Lucky for you we weren’t alone...

Or you’d finally have had your chance to atone…

Author's Note

Back story. T_T
I didn't feel like i won.
what do you think?
< 3

Reviews

[David Wesley]

Couple of things stood out for me:

"You’re gripping my arms is no kind of charm
Bruises and harm," --- starts to get kinda dicey and personal here.

"But you’re quick to strike down my bliss
I guess my face got in the way of what your hand was trying to say" --- this is a great, albeit unpleasant metaphor.

"I remember the red, I remember nights in pain pinned to ”our” bed
You inside me, places I can’t see and ignoring my tears of agony" --- seems like the poem's climax, the sadness taken to the utmost extreme.

Though I'm most curious to have seen this play out with out the phone call. Would the speaker have killed the other person? I think at the finish of this I felt like the reader needed some kind of closure more than that, based on how far the speaker's emotions are controlled.

I like your style ^_^

[MoriartyMesa]

Now here is what I liked, you backed the visual effects of the wording and that image explains it all.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Thanks I didn't have a photograph so I had to find a good representation and it took awhile but this was good enough. ;ob
I am very happy you found it fulfilling.
< 3

[Simon Welsh]

I.. have no words. This is ultra powerful! xx

[Jessica Gillitzer]

thanks for your honesty Ell. ;o)
I am glad you found it so powerful though that means alot to me.
< 3

[Simon Welsh]

I think that picture of the shattered glass says it all xx

[Mark]

Wow, intense. I wonder if it would be more powerful in prose though? Not so much as a story, but without the rhymes? Just a thought... I was definitely captivated by the work.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

That is a good idea and i think I could try to do one separate from this memory.
I am very happy you liked this Mark. 8o)
< 3 Jessie

[unsavable_soul]

Amazing,
Such pain and passion formulating an equation for beauty in vengeance. I absolutely love this piece. You took so much and as is so often the breaking point was not an offense to self. Often we think ourselves below saving, but the injustice of the weak in many forms can bring about shocking results. I was very impressed with the flow leading up to and straight through the breaking point in this piece. I adored the shift from the snapping moment and the pure unbridled rage displayed in your own delicate way.

"But you’re quick to strike down my bliss
I guess my face got in the way of what your hand was trying to say
Sorry honey,
I know having to give me a bloody nose isn’t funny"

These lines spoke to me, they break right open the mentality of abused people. Taking the pain and thinking some how it's my fault. It's not, never was and never can be. I hope you have come to that place already.
Masterpiece.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Jessica Gillitzer]

Thank you very much soul/ chris?
I really just try to tell my story however it comes to mind. I am very glad you liked it. thanks for all the feed back to. :o)
< 3

[unsavable_soul]

Still Chris, just needed to find myself again.
It was my pleasure to review your works and have their enjoyment.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Jessica Gillitzer]

wtf with people changing their names and photos? o_0 lol
well i hope you find what your looking for. =o)
< 3

[unsavable_soul]

I am finding it, also finding I will indeed be upon a much shorter friends list. I suppose that is the price of integrity. Glad to have you as a friend and our conversations. Talk to you soon dear.
Chris

[s y e]

Woah, you blew me away with this one, this was amazing. I loved the structure of the write and the flow... Really well written... Relatable to people as well.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

so sweet thanks noodlehead I am glad you liked this and found something in it. =o)
< 3 Jessie

[sounds of shadows]

I usually try to be more articulate, but ... "wow."

Frank and filled with its own raw eloquence.

Sometimes winning is being able to tell the story after.

[Jessica Gillitzer]

your very right sounds. i just want an end to the bs that comes with the story not ending completely.
< 3 Jessie