White clock

White clock

A Poem by ElizaB

Is this it?
A life of shadow,
Lies and spit.
A clock so slow
It cannot commit.
Longing for rib bones
Instead of flesh.
To hide T-zones
And history; page, refresh.
Words become lost,
And Nobody cares,
Love is the cost,
Of anger and tears.
Ink the walls,
Colour the palms.
Ignore their calls,
Texts and qualms.
Walk in rain,
In snow and sun.
To numb the pain,
Let go, and run.
A spine of sweat,
Of loss,
Regret.
The struggles of a teenager...
How could I forget?


© 2017 ElizaB



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I quite enjoyed the form of this one. The rhyme scheme is very intriguing....how the C lines often give the rhyme with the subsequent A lines, and so on. It really caught me off guard at first and I had to reread it to see what was really happening. Very hectic in narrative, what makes the ending so golden! My only critique is to remove the word "rib", for not only does it mar the musicality a tad, there's nothing that justifies its presence (the powerful "flesh" of the following line is much stronger when paired with just "bones") Well freaking done!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




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Gee
We care wayyyyyyy to much as to what others think of us in early life, slowly growing out of this to realise that it matters only what friends, family and loved ones think. I sought strength and courage in Stella artois arms, so much so that I became a right royal pain in the arse. Now, don't give two hoots as to what others think and very seldom quaff lager.
Have read a few of your pieces and enjoy your writing very much.
How is professor Higgins ???


Posted 7 Months Ago


Being a teenager should come with a health warning.
But you eventually get over the boulders of life.
In theory it should make you an expert on everything.
Sadly, the boulders just get smaller.

Posted 11 Months Ago


I quite enjoyed the form of this one. The rhyme scheme is very intriguing....how the C lines often give the rhyme with the subsequent A lines, and so on. It really caught me off guard at first and I had to reread it to see what was really happening. Very hectic in narrative, what makes the ending so golden! My only critique is to remove the word "rib", for not only does it mar the musicality a tad, there's nothing that justifies its presence (the powerful "flesh" of the following line is much stronger when paired with just "bones") Well freaking done!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on September 16, 2017
Last Updated on September 16, 2017

Author

ElizaB
ElizaB

United Kingdom



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