This Heart On My Wrist

Suicide is NOT an answer...

I thought about you today; not because I wanted to, but because April 25th is "Free Love Day". The day when you draw a heart on your wrist and share love with the depressed and suicidal. So, like I said ... I thought about you all day.

A year ago, if you you told me you'd attempt suicide a year later, I wouldn't have loved you any different. In fact, I would've just strengthened my heart a bit more so I could get through it. I literally gave up my life for you, because you asked me to. But I never asked you to give your life away. So don't blame this whole thing on me anymore.

Visiting the psych ward in the hospital every day for 2 1/2 weeks hurt me. You will never know what it was like for me to see you in there, so lifeless. Your eyes were so empty, so dark. It literally broke me. What did you feel when you saw that pain in my eyes? Did you even notice? I don't think you did. I tried to smile and stay positive when I was there, but the second I left, I cried. For hours. Brokenhearted that you felt so alone you didn't want to live. That's how I know you didn't really love me the way you said you did. Love wouldn't put me through this. I loved you with more of my heart than I should have. But I don't regret it, and I never will. Because when I say love, I mean it.

I don't plan on thinking about you, but this will forever be an anniversary of what you put US through. And I say US because at that very second, when you felt so alone, we were a team. I was in the room right next to you. I think that's what hurts the most. I was so close, but yet you kept me so far away.

Suicide is the only thing that scares me now; and that's only because it was as real to me as it could possibly get. I will forever love to live. And I hope you do too. I hope you're happy. I hope you're truly living. I hope you finally realize life IS worth it. Whatever IT is.
 

Just know that I wore this heart on my wrist today for YOU. Not because I love you, but to remind myself what real love ISN'T. I hope you find love and life. I'll carefully rub off this heart on my wrist, until next year...

Author's Note

I wrote this to my ex. Any comments would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Amadi Judith]

Well said, but when one reads on it seems the couple in question, that is you and your ex, still love one another. I think it is deep and touching and well written.

[Amadi Judith]

Well said, but when one reads on it seems the couple in question still love one another. I think it is deep and touching and well written.

[J. Barnett]

This really hit home; thanks for sharing.

[Jon Roggie]

Well said. I've been at the point where I thought death was the only solution. Then, I had reach down deep, and drag myself out of that self-pitying swamp. It is too easy a way to escape your problems rather than facing them. I keep the things that kept me from carrying through as a constant reminder.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

This is an awesome write and spoke a real true message on suicide.
Great job:)