Two Dollars

This is my first attempt at a spoken word poem. However, I have yet to perform the piece because I am not 100% satisfied with the work and do not want to memorize something I am going to change.

Two dollars, 
now that they’re gone, 
I miss her.
 
It’s as if she died and all that I have left 
is the memory of her adolescent, innocent smile, 
of her dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, 
with black rimmed glasses making her look more mature 
yet reminding me on how young she really is, 

and, when approaching to ask her and her mother
if they need any more water or, for her, another lemonade, 
how her upright proper posture turns to greet me 
with a widening smile, and how her eyes never leave me 
until I have left the room and I'm reminded of Sarah Kay 

as I wonder,
If I should have a daughter, I would...,

and on how, at the end of the meal, and after having said, 
“Thank you both for coming in, I hope to see you again,” 
she pulls out from her tiny adorable purse 
and gives me her two dollars and I genuinely smile 
and I sincerely say, “Thank you SO much” and think, 

The mother better tip as well because that’s a sixty-dollar check.
   
But now she’s gone. 

The place where she once slept is a vacant desecrated tomb.  
I can’t place my hands on her memory; a vestige 
residing only within my mind; I miss her. 
My checkbook feels so hollow without her two-dollar reminder 

that someday
I want a daughter.

I address you now, thief, 
scumbag, pillager, f****r, 
you son of a b***h, my roommate. 
I considered you a friend. 

I even gave you one of my journals for you to write in, 
and now its pages are tainted with your betrayal, 
with your words whose letters can only spell "knife" and "back"
with the former always preceding the latter.    

You snuck into my room and rummaged through my stuff
and drawers and shelves for money
and food and weed and you found her. 
You abducted her and made my memory a currency.  

You wadded her up and shoved her into your pocket, 
passed her from hand to hand to purchase a Pepsi or a Snickers, 
or to be part of a larger transaction for something of lesser value 
never knowing what she meant. No one will.  

She is lost in a sea of meaningless currency,
perpetually sacrificed, so that, 
on that day, I would notice her absence, so that 
I would see you for the piece of s**t you really are.  

Go f**k yourself, 
I 
still want a daughter.

Author's Note

Again, this is my first attempt at a spoken word poem. So, I am quite open to any and all opinions, criticisms, etc.

I will say that my main influences were Neil Hilborn's "OCD," Sara Kay's "If I Should Have a Daughter" (obviously), Sabrina Benaim's "Explaining My Depression to My Mother," and Shane Koyczan's "To This Day."

Reviews

[Ofie]

There is so much emotion in here. It's sweet, angry, wishful, and everything in between. There is all this hope and wonder, yet it is in contrast to the gloom of loss and death. I think it really works for the message of the poem. It really grabs the reader and demands they know what the writer is feeling.
Well done!

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hey! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to write this kind review! I am so glad you enjoyed it!

[Faith]

This poem is very good! I can feel the emotions in the poem and I think you did an awesome job 👏🏻

[Kibbles and Quips]

Thank you very much! I am so happy you enjoyed it!

[Mr. Lopez]

The artistry is what caught my attention. It felt like a highly detailed painting of a brooding storm over mountains . When a person writes like this there's no need for flow or rhyme. You may not give yourself much credit but for me it was powerful. I felt your yearning. I liked that you attached so much sentiment to the two dollars. I think that that makes you a romantic at heart. Sure, it was only two dollars but to you they were the only two dollars that mattered ...because they came from her. They represented a dream and that in and of it's self is poetic. I liked it very much.

[Kibbles and Quips]

Thanks a lot, man! I'm definitely a romantic. You hit the nail on the head there haha. And, again, this is a spoken word poem, so, when I finally perform it, I'll inflect it and carry the rhythm in a specific way that you cannot really get by merely reading it. Sadly, I'm still tinkering around with it (and building up the courage to actually perform it haha). But, I'm so glad you enjoyed it and found it powerful. I was definitely pissed off, despondent, but determined when writing this. Thanks again for reading and for doing your review!