Thoughts on a lazy afternoon

Its a poem I wrote during a versification competition held at my school.I got first prize by the way : )).The poem is about the random thoughts that go through your head ,while lazing about.Enjoy

                                                Which came first,

the chicken or the egg?

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say,

To know the truth while I sway.

Surely the egg came first,

 after all, chickens come  from eggs,

don’t they?

Some thought this is, I suppose,

To think about while I sway.

Then again , an egg would surely need,

its mothers heat

To keep it warm all day.

 And to protect it from dangers fray.

A kick here and a scratch there

to keep its enemies at bay.

But of course!!!

A chicken would have to be there

in the first place to lay its egg

and continue its blood line .

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say

To think about while I sway

and let my mind astray

As I linger in my hammock all day.

Oh dear,while I sway

the taps been running all day.

My momma bird’s gonna have a fit

When she finds out how I’ve squandered my day.

Dear God knows what I’ll say .

Oh, I’ll have to think about it

while I may

Quite a thought wouldn’t you say,

 to know the lies I’ll say,

all the while I sway

and let my mind astray

As I linger in my hammock all day,

Good gracious ,while I still may.

 

Author's Note

This is my second attempt at writing a poem.I cant find the first one i wrote.Please forgive me if there are any mistakes that i've made.

Reviews

[Najam Us Saher]

I am just speechless. What a beautiful and creative poem you have written. Nice thoughts. I liked it.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You really deserve first place with this :) nice job.

[Joel Armstrong]

Thank you: )

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome :)

[Claire Ellis]

Wow this is really good and I really enjoyed reading it.

[Joel Armstrong]

thanks claire!!

[Anjana]

Mr.philosopher... !! gud job

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

ok I applaud you for taking the time out and try to dive into poetry. The first thing that you have to do is find your own voice, read other people's work and finally keep practicing. Taking that this is your first attempt at writing poetry I would suggest a rewrite. Some of your rhymes are forced. My best suggestion to you is to read all of your poems out loud. Your ears and your voice will help you correct any errors. Keep writing and if there is anything I can help you with just email me

[Jamie]

I like the way you can kind of feel the sway of a hammock while you read. I loved it. Great work. Keep it up! 😀

[rashu]

nice attempt dear :) keep writing :)
i liked the poetic sense u used :)
keep it up

[Sophy Freebirds]

Second attempt!!then its way too good.Just write what you feel Joel.. tiny scribbles or long stories.. whatever it is.Just pen down your gushing emotions . Then slowly you eill know to tame the adjectives and phrases.Good luck :)

~Sophy

[Closet Writer]

I think it's good. However when writing a poem it doesn't have to rhyme. To give it a rhythm as long as the words fit together i think it works. Another thing when writing a poem it's easy to venture off your initial topic it seems about mid way through you started too. Just small things to keep in mind. However I did think it was a great poem for being only your 2nd (: best of luck in your future

[Avinash]

Nice use of rhyme and stanza came out beautifully.

[Matching Socks]

What great fun to read Joel. Love the tongue twisting rhymes in this.
Congrats on your winning first prize in your school competition. Very deserving!

[Joel Armstrong]

Thanks Ana. I really appreciate it.