Within Madness.
Why do they scream? What are they scared of? I just want to feel their warmth; it’s the only thing i can Feel anymore. Everyone has a Release, we need it. Some play Cards, Listen to music, Read
Maybe go for a Drive. I Kill...
2.
Some
of you probably think I’m crazy. But am I really? I don’t think so, we all have
our release, is mine so bad?! Who are you to judge! We should do what makes us
happy, it just so happens that feeling a life fade away in my hands is what
makes me happy, it makes me feel human again.
It wasn’t long before I had a
similar experience, well similar urge really. I wanted to follow it, oh so
badly, but I didn’t this time, I wasn’t going to enter that dark place. But I knew
I couldn’t act on these desires, no matter how bad I wanted to, I meant what if
I got caught? Then I wouldn’t be able to save them! And I would be all alone…
And I need them, and they need me, don’t they?! I need to save them from this
place, save them from themselves. Don’t they want to feel pleasure again? I do,
oh I wish I could feel again, but I can’t, not like I used to. It’s not crazy
what I want, I wish I could find my solitude some other way, but I don’t think I
can. By doing this I am curing them from this disgusting place and their s****y
lives, by doing this I am curing myself from them, they need me just as much as
I need them. Don’t you see? I need them to die so I can live.
Is this all not justified?! It’s
not some game of lies, why can’t you people see that?! If only you could know
what it’s like to not really be here! I’m not crazy! Right? No! Of course not! Why
would I be? I save people, strip them of their filthy flesh. To show that we
are all the same, me, you, everybody, in the end we are all rotten meat! Why can’t
you understand?! I would assume by now you would have a slight understanding of
what I am talking about, no matter how “crazy” it may seem, you know I’m right.
No worries, in time you will truly understand me, maybe you will even relate or
empathize, or you will just hate me and be disgusted, but don’t decide right
away, let it speak to you, and then you will know what I mean. There is much
more to tell, don’t you want to know what I dream about?
It’s always dark inside. I can’t
always remember what happens in every one, sometimes they aren’t so bad, but
sometimes they are. Usually my dreams take place in a town I have never been
(or do not remember), and I always see myself in the 3rd person POV,
and I don’t look like me… I’m wearing a mask of some sort, it’s blurry so it’s
hard to tell but I know it’s me. My most recent one I was hiding in a parking
lot it seemed, of a hotel, I was watching a kid (about 12 I think), he was
unloading a car, probably on a vacation, his mom and dad inside being lazy
f***s! But that’s beside the point right now. I was watching him, he looked so
innocent but I knew he wasn’t, no one is, not in this world. Next thing I know I’m
standing behind him, I can hear myself breathing heavy, and so does he, he
turns around and looks up at me and before he can scream I take my knife and
stab him right in the middle of his face, right between the eyes, his mouth
open, blood falling out, and his eyes rolling into the back of his head. I grabbed
his head and squeezed as I took my thumbs and shoved them into his eyes, making
them breaks and pop, dripping out of his face. Ugh I could feel the warmth; I could
feel the blood on my hands. And then bam! I wake up, breathing heavy, shocked. But
then I lie back down to try and sleep again, Last thing I remember about that
night was smiling thinking about the dream, I still do sometimes, it helps me
sleep on those restless nights, and maybe someday I can act out my dreams
fully. But you will have to wait and see…
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