You Feel Nothing

poem i sat down and wrote today, inspired by a picture i saw of a teenager with her head in her hands literally just sat down and wrote it, first draft, tell me what you think this poem is really dark, im warning you so if you dont like dark stuff, j

 up against the wall, sitting all alone

head held in your hands

habitual tears falling from your mind's eye

white wash the walls and ceiling of your only sanctuary

you feel nothing

 

the pain drowns everything

then you cry it away

you see blood upon the white floor

faded to gray in this surreality

you feel nothing

 

you are trapped in this

white room of your mind

you are completely numb

you watch days, weeks, months

go slowly by, creeping along

you watch through your only window, your eyes

as others feel something

as they experience the emotions of life

emotions you have forgotten how to feel

you wish, they too, would look from their windows

to see you

but their sanctuaries distract them, entertain them, complete them

they cannot see past their colorful walls

they cannot see your white washed walls

you feel nothing

 

you watch yourself from above

as you laugh and joke with friends

as you cry for other's broken hearts

as you make a smile

but you are just a hollow shell of these things

you always return to the white washed sanctuary

you feel nothing

 

you watch from above, as your parents abuse you

as their words, which used to burn your soul

which caused this numbness

do nothing

you hope against all hope

that this time you'll feel the pain like you used to

but, alas,

you feel nothing

 

you watch as your mother

throws you up against the wall one last time

it clicks

 

you watch her fall to the ground, knocked out cold

 

you feel the pain

throbbing in your hand

the sweet glorious pain

that you can feel again

 

your bloody knuckles paint the walls scarlet red

Author's Note

literally just sat down and wrote this, inspired by a picture i saw

first draft, tell me what you think
constructive criticism is welcome

Reviews

[Alicante lullaby]

i'm in awe...you make the reader feel every emotion at its height....the character feels nothing...but we are in awe...

[cest la vie]

Dark, raw, painful.. and beautifully written. as you do so well.

Really is an explrative write and you have such an eye for details.. Kudos, John!!

[New]

It seems like spontaneous writing is your thing :]
You jumped right into writing this, and I have to say...
FANTASTICO!
I felt the emotion in your words, and that's what makes an amazing writer.
Keep on keepin' on!

[jessfoundwonder]

ahh this was subtly fucked up. but i like that kind of thing. You were right, it is pretty dark. a little too dark to read at night like i just did. decent job, i'd say.

[Cherie Paregrine Isis]

Wow,it had a 'twisted ending' to put it,very dark/deep.I like it,The ending line really left a 'bang'.The words flow nicely from line to line leaving the strong mealy soft in the knees.(expression i use),nice.

[Nate E. Flake (Cösmic ..]

this poem some of us probably can relate to a little bit i mean infront of others you seem different as apposed to how you really feel in deep sadness

[Holly]

nice imagination.

[Lisa Marie]

oh my goodness,you just wrote this?thats amazing-youve got pure talent.i love the choice of words,how it flows,great use of imagery.this is a very touching poem,.do you play guitar?i bet this would sound great with music.keep up the good work!

[Ellen Hammond]

A very thought provoking write. Your powers of observation and insight really shine through this piece. You have a gift for seeing beyond the obvious. A gift you you use wisely.

[Bud]

This is a moving piece. Really tugs at the heart, the mind, the soul. You have a Great Talent for writing, my friend. Never let your life be without your pen. You have an equally Amazing Talent of observation, connecting to what you see...feeling it. It shows in your writing! Outstanding works of Excellence!