Prologue 1/Dex

Prologue 1/Dex

A Chapter by Joshua Haines
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The first part of a four part Prologue. Introducing Dex one of the main characters of the new story

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In a world where supernatural exist. Where there are ghost, werewolves, vampires, and superhumans, . Earth is never a safe place.

In a old town now at ruins. Were birds lays there nest. And wild dogs go for breeding. The sky got dark with red stars out and a red moon as bright as a blood diamond. People calls the red moon the blood moon. Everyone thinks that once the blood moon is out, devils comes up from hell to walk the earth. One man was walking in the middle of the ruined town with a sword strapped on his back. Wearing a black leather jacket with a grey hoody worn underneath with the hood over the leather jacket. With black baggy jeans with a chain attached from the jeans on the right side. With a pair of white high top trainers. His hair was black middle length and have blue eyes. Dex stoped for a short break before continued his journey. And looked up at the red stairs and moon. (When are people going to stop believing the Blood moon day. We might have other things running around and even ghost. But devils now that is just stupid. And we will all be dead even me) Dex told himself putting his hands behind his head and toke a deep breath and closing his eyes. (But I have a job to do. And I will make sure I will do it). With the short break done Dex began to walk again, heading towards a abandoned house. When Dex got near the house four shadow beings jump around Dex surrounding him. (Whoa now this is new) Dex said eyeing the shadows who back looked back at him with there red eyes, (are you here for the girl) one of them said with there deep voice. (If you mean little Dot who you kidnapped from her mother and killed her father then yea) Dex told the shadow who spoke to him.(ah I know you) came a new voice. Dex slowly eyed the abandoned house making sure to not lose sight of the surrounding Shadows who kept Looking at Dex waiting for there strike. Walking out of the abandoned house holding a little girl by her head who was to scared to even cry shaking with fear. Dex knew the person holding the little girl was not human at all. With his body size being to big for any human his arms where the thickest arms that Dex have ever seen with his chest being the same. His teeth where as sharp than anything. (Your name is Dex. Your that guy who gets called up if anything don't look human. So here Mr.hero take her before me and my shadows over there eats her for tea). The monster of the man said holding up Dot towards Dex. And when Dex made a step forward all the shadows lined up in front of him blocking his path to little Dot. (You are not going any where near Manhunter) all the shadows said at once. Dex toke a step back with a cheeky grin. (You know. If you guys want to do it that way its fine by me) Dex said getting his sword out. The sword was nicknamed as guildblade. The guildblade was long and bright sliver with a gold lettering printed on the steel with a red handle. (What makes you think that sword will do anything) Manhunter said who began to laugh. (Why not try it out) Dex asked giving Manhunter a smile. (I will rip you apart) Manhunter roared showing of his sharp teeth and giving the signal for the shadows to attack. All four shadows jumped in the air with Dex getting ready. The first attack came from one of the shadows coming down with a strike with long shadow claws, Dex kept blocking while the shadow kept hacking and slashing. The shadow then kept its claws on the guildblade. (What done all ready ). Dex asked it with a smile and with a open palm a force pushed the shadow away from him. With the shadow still in mid air Dex's guildblade started to glow then with one massive swing. A energy blast shoot out of the sword and once the blast of it mark the shadow exploded in the air.knowing he is not out of danger just yet. Dex looks up to the night sky seeing the last three shadows falling down towards him aiming for a team attack. Dex then quickly puts his Guildblade by his face then with both of his hands held tightly on the sword, Dex spun around to make a strong tornado catching the shadows in it and shooting them away. Dex rested his guildbalde over his shoulder and looked at Manhunter. ( so are you going to free the girl now). With Manhunter getting nervous Manhunter started to make small step backs still holding Dot. (I swear if you make a small step. I will break her neck). Manhunter said holding up Dot again by the head who now began to cry. ( last chance) Dex asked Manhunter not leaving his eye on the girl. (I mean it one step, and I will.......).Manhunter was cut short of his sentence with Dex attacking so fast that Manhunter did not see Dex move in one second Dex was behind him with a long white glow behind the swordsman who was on one knee. Slowly green blood came out of Manhunter's mouth dropping Dot. Dex rolled and caught Dot in time in his arms and started to walk of, Manhunter roared in pain and finally fell to his death leaving a green pool of blood. ( that little Dot was my easiest job ever). Dex said trying to cheer up Dot. Dot continued to cry and was no sign of her stopping. (Hey now it's all over now. I am going to take you to your mother ok). Dex told Dot but notice something very strange Dot had started to glow. (What?) Dex said when Dot started to float out of his arms.( again what?) and before Dex could get a hold of Dot the little screamed vary loud with a force what pushed Dex to the Abandoned house crashing inside. Turning away from Dex Dot started to fly away leaving Dex crawl out of the house watching her go. ( I need to find her)


© 2017 Joshua Haines



Author's Note

Joshua Haines
Hope you enjoyed the first part of the prologue. The second part will be out next week. PROLOGUE 2/Nick

My Review

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Reviews

The first sentence just screamed cliche, talking about werewolves, vampires and especially "in an old town". Not that they're bad, but they gave me that impression. You could mention them in subtler ways if you want to.

Your content on the other hand was good. But editors won't care. If the first line puts them off, they will reject it, no matter how good your story actually is. Some people will just put the book down after the first sentence, so it needs to be intriguing.

For more information on a good first sentence, watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9vX-aZoR14

Happy writing :)

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


This was pretty good. You definently have the imagination for it. I like where you are going with this story.

Like said before just avoid giant walls of text and break it down into paragraphs. What I like to do when people are talking to each other is put quotes around what they are saying and maybe italicize it so it stands out.

Of course I have used your way as well but that was only when they were speaking mentally to each other.

Again this story has lots of promise and if you stick with it and just work on your editing and such it will turn out great.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Joshua Haines

1 Month Ago

Thanks for the comment and the help means a lot XD. Happy you liked my comic scripts XD
Paragraphs. Never go with a block of text. As for the writing combine sentences when you can usign less words and Try not to start to many sentences with the same word in a row. Also I am not sure if you did this on purpose but you have periods in the middle of sentences.
You do not need to use there names in every action. Once per pargraph is almost always sufficant.
There is extra words where they do not need to be, so I suggest an extra edit.
Now what do I think of the content. Honestly not bad, I like the idea. I am a sucker for supernatural hunters. I belive with some hard polish and I mean some hard hammering edits it can be a fun read.
I see where you are going with this work and look forward to seeing where you can take it.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Joshua Haines

1 Month Ago

Thanks for the review dude. And sorry about the mistakes not the best writer and I know that lol. Pl.. read more
Srchaud

1 Month Ago

That makes sense. I can see this as a comic.
Do not be sorry about the mistakes, that.. read more
Joshua Haines

1 Month Ago

Cheers dude means a lot. I really should of said it's more a comic XD.

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Added on September 20, 2017
Last Updated on September 20, 2017
Tags: Fantasy ongoing Comic series


Author

Joshua Haines
Joshua Haines

cardiff, Wales, United Kingdom



About
My Name is Joshua Haines. And I am a writer who hopes to be professional one day. I am from Cardiff wales. And I will be sending out a weekly issues of my series called. Death Raised. A weekly Dark Fa.. more..

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