Dormant doesn't mean deceased (We all know this is your fault)

Dormant doesn't mean deceased (We all know this is your fault)

A Poem by Julianna Marie

The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never hide!
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never run!
 Dormant doesn’t mean deceased;
The lava still boils beneath my skin,
the faintest eruptions with each beat in my chest.
Dormant doesn’t mean deceased!
Be silent my dear, its only asleep…
If you make the most sudden of movements,
it’ll be the death of us.
Keep your voice to a whisper,
keep your voice to a whisper.
“Looks like a full moon tonight,”
pale, ghostly white; the skeleton in the sky’s closet.
“Looks like a full moon tonight”
…haunting enough to wake the dead.
The moon changes phases
just as you change faces:
Your moods, they sway
like the seismic waves,
and the panic of a volcanic sunrise
Oh, don’t our problems seem so small now?
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open,
but ours are obliviously closed.
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open:
only chaos and danger can see us for who we really are!
We were always the skeletons in the closet,
we were always the skeletons:
Nothing but bones,
watch them roast now.
Nothing but bones.
I told you we could never hide!
We burn,
with all of the words we never said.
We burn,
with the faintest eruptions in our broken hearts.
We burn,
when we realize
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
Lonely bones, empty hearts,
Empty bones, lonely hearts:
(We all know this is your fault)

© 2010 Julianna Marie



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Before I begin the review, let me say I loved your bio.

The work itself was interesting. For awhile I assumed the reference to the volcano was the speaker itself, then got side-tracked in reading because of the repetition of the refrain. The content is good, but you have some unnecessary clauses that detract from the quality of the writing. "Haunting enough to wake the dead," "pale, ghostly white," and "it'll be the death of us," amongst others, detract from the decent craft behind this work--the first and third are abstractions, the second is a cliche.


Perhaps with some revision, and the division of a poem into a form with more strophes will your message be more digestible. I realize the turbulence of the volcano requires a quick read, but slowing down the tempo with strophe divisions would give the reader a greater feel for the subtle eruptions beneath the context.

Best of luck on your future writings.

--CB

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

holy s**t, you amaze me again! this is simply amazing :) i'm a big fan of repetition and this just made my night. i would say the midsection is my favorite but the whole thing is just beautiful! favorites list for sure.

Posted 6 Years Ago


A good imagery.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Absolutely amaaazing. Excellent choice of structure, and vocabulary! Strong imagery.

Posted 6 Years Ago


there are many vivid images which make this poem a bit more intimate. I like the concept of 'dancing on the rim of a volcano' - I think about the ancients who lived by one, how everyday truly was a blessing cuz literally it could erupt anyd ay and wipe them all out. That knowledge must really inspire a "seize the day!" mentality. This poem also reminds me of the Siouxie and the Banshee's song "cities of dust" which is about Pompeii, with equally haunting lyrics

"Hot and burning in your nostrils
Pouring down your gaping mouth
Your molten bodies blanket of cinders
Caught in the throes"

Anyhow, that's just my personal connection. The volcano here can easily stand for a love metaphor as well, esp with the repetition of "we burn" - from lava or passion, and how love can be equally as devourous as molten lava, leaving lovers left with nothing but their bones. Intriguing ideas.

That being said, I would think about breaking up the poem into some stanzas, and I'm a little unsure about "skeletons in the closet" since it is a cliched phrase, though I understand the word play.

Other than that, great read!

Posted 6 Years Ago


It is becoming a trend for me on this site to find a poem, instantly move to review it, and find that about 20 others beat me to it. Not that there's any harm in being late, but I always fear I'm only going to repeat things you've already heard.

That aside, this poem had a uniquely haunting feel to it--hammered home by the repetition of various lines and your generally dark word choices--that I really enjoyed. I think "Watch them roast / nothing but bones" was probably my favorite of the bunch, but it's hard to pick. Especially with that awesome conclusion!

Excellent write, thanks for sharing it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Thoroughly enjoyed this. Very good use of repetition and imagery. I can always appreciate a poem that references seismic and volcanic activity in it's text.

Posted 6 Years Ago


lyrical musings that capture the motivations and questions of the heart seeking reason , applying blame ...

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wow. I've read some great poetry..but this is just showing off!
Loved it. You have some extreme talent.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Sounds like it could be song lyrics, with the words in parentheses being sung overtop by a second vocalist. The imagery of fire and skeletons matches well with the emotions being invoked. Pretty hot stuff there.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This was an amazing poem to read. I loved the metaphors of the volcano and the moon, and how they gave importance and consequences to the issues in the poem. :] I thought you pulled that off really well.

I also loved the last three lines, they just finish the poem off so well.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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4380 Views
37 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on May 4, 2010
Last Updated on October 27, 2010
Tags: love, heartache, volcano, break up, bones, moon phases, regret, skeleton

Author

Julianna Marie
Julianna Marie

Seattle, WA



About
I'm a 21 year old girl living in Seattle, student/poet/barista. I believe in art, poetry, psychology, and music-- I don't think its safe to believe in much else. more..

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