I'm the fool

I thought in the back of my mind
No matter what happened
We would be fine

I was (as always) wrong
which is not cool
You took my heart and song
So yes, I am the fool

I’m a guy without defenses
I admit your right
But don’t you dare play the victim
I died that night

You promised and swore
You joked your lie
But what are those words for
You know what you imply

Why did I stay with you
You were so cruel
You have no clue
Again I’m the fool

I thought in the back of my mind
She doesn’t deserve my sadness
Stupid love, is the worst kind

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Love that line, Don't you dare play the victim! This is consise and to the point. Excellent write!

[clauds294]

Love the flow to it, and can relate perfectly.

[Alexis Raine]

So relatable.
The poem's got a great beat and structure to.

[chaotic katie]

love this again it was easy to relate to and the emotion is right on great job

[Laura Yida <3]

i love this. and i can definately relate to it. awsome write. keep it up. :)))

[Tessa Ross]

great write(: & i Love the picture for it(:

[Papercuts.Hate.You.Too]

This is a really good write.
I like the rhyming(it makes a good flow).
At the end where you mixed it up with the wording was cool,
but you gotta be careful with that because sometimes that could throw your entire poem off.
Although you did it gracefully, so bravo!
I like the subject ,too. It's something everyone can relate to and you really desribed it well.
I hope this helps:).
-Brooke Madison

[The Wave]

Not a bad piece.

The emotion is clear, but the description could have been more detailed. I found your flow a bit choppy and your rhyme sometimes came across as "amateurish". . .
On a more positive note, i like how straightforward you are. and the overall style or format for this is promising. "I’m a guy without defenses, I admit your right..." I'd just suggest better word choice or diction.

Overall, Good Job.

[RonnieBreight]

awe. this is so good! i love how at the beggining it says everything will be fine, but then at the end it switches. and he realizes he didn't have a clear view of what was actually happening. i don't know if that's what you're going for, but that's what i got. you're a good writer. :).

[Rawr!!XD]

I completely agree....stupid love is the worst kind. You've got a really good rhythm going here. My favorite stanza was:
"I'm the guy without defenses
I admit your right
But don't you dare play the victim
I died that night"
This poem is sad, but it speaks volumes to the reader. Great job.