Doomsday Version-2

Doomsday Version-2

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze
"

A dark epiphany..!

"

Wings flutter,

glass shatters

Sky Roars,

rain pours

 

Dark’s Lure,

keen & more

Sheer Yelp,

call for help

 

Hell’s arc,

surrounds dark

Peace gone,

the war is on

 

Shout and shout,

none hear you out

No place to go,

you reap what you sow

 

Light Shiver,

hope wither

Earth turns Red,

you drown in dread

 

No way out,

walk in shroud

Numerous strides,

no fast ride

 

Corpse’s heap,

fast asleep

No help came,

end of Game!

************************

 

“So go to sleep my girl,

Meet mamma after the fall.

In a place where it is safe to play,

to sing, to be, to pray..!” 


© 2015 Jyoti_Ablaze



Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
This a raw version of my Poem, Doomsday (http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Jyoti_Swami/1590049/)
Constructive criticism is expected!
Hope you like it!

My Review

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Featured Review

One of the great poets wrote the truth.
"Like a whisper.
like a whisper,
like a whisper.
Not with a bang, the world of man will die."
With chemical and bio. Can kill whole cities off with a sound. A powerful poem for thoughts. I pray with you. We need to lead with love, concern and kindness. If we don't. Whole world will know a dead-end. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry. Poetry support to make you think. This poem did.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

You are so right.. I am glad that my work provoked such insightful thoughts. Thank you.
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

You did and you are welcome.



Reviews

Same thing as I said on the first one.. The grammar is a little off. Here is a supplied fix for you :D

Wings flutter,
glass shatters.
Sky Roars,
rain pours.

Dark’s Lure,
keen & more.
Sheer Yelp,
call for help.

Hell’s arc,
surrounds dark.
Peace gone,
the war is on.

Shout and shout,
none hear you out.
No place to go,
you reap what you sow.

Light Shiver,
hope wither.
Earth turns Red,
you drown in dread.

No way out,
walk in shroud.
Numerous strides,
no fast ride.

Corpse’s heap,
fast asleep.
No help came,
end of Game!

“So go to sleep my girl.
Meet mamma after the fall.
In a place where it is safe to play,
to sing, to be, to pray..!”

Posted 2 Years Ago


Constructive criticism mode activated,
Rhyme: great,
Purport: straight,
Initials: droll,
Wind up: soul.


Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your insightful review, Sudeep!
And keep that 'mode' on, always!
You reap what you sow!!! those words flashed on me like a very blight light. I enjoyed reading.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

I am glad you enjoyed and if my words had done such things..
Thank you.
I love how you write, "no fast ride," but that is exactly what it felt like at first read Jyoti.
It was like a bird pursuing down upon its prey. =D

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

I am glad to know about the different interpretation, one can make of this piece. Thank you very muc.. read more
i didn't read many poems but you are suddenly passing the charm of poems through your mammoth imagination and enthusiasm ....how can anyone so clear about what is he going to write ....exceptional and this is EPIC

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Thank you so very much for your encouraging commentary!
dexterous sam

2 Years Ago

your welcome...read out mine too
Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Okay! Which one?
this one is pretty Epic

i can see now how their is a song-like essence present here


i really like what you did with it

-Dream

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Thank you Dream! I am glad you noticed the pattern and like it!
closed

2 Years Ago

youre welcome

its a great poem
I don't see to many quatrains in this style very often, it is nice to see someone revive it and do such a good job of it as well. Thank you for inviting me, this is was a nice surprise to read :~)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

I am glad you liked it but I am an amateur and I didn't know I had followed any style. Thank you so .. read more
read like a rap song,loved it

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
looooooooooooooooooooove this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Thank you. :)
 wordman

2 Years Ago

you`re welcome
Excellent piece of work! I love the play on words. I have to agree with Mattavelli.
It's surely a day I hope we come to avoid.

Honestly I love this game. And this does seems fitting...

It doesn't matter if you win or loose, what matters is how you played it. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

2 Years Ago

Indeed.
Thank you so much for the kind review. :)

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Added on August 11, 2015
Last Updated on November 23, 2015

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



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