Her Feat

Her Feat

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze
"

Breathtaking suspense..

"


Tick-tock, Tick-tock

The clock is ticking

Knock-knock, knock-knock

He is outside my door


Lub-dub, lub-dub,

I hear my heart pounding

Whoosh-whoosh, whoosh-whoosh,

The wind keeps gushing


Thump-thump, thump-thump

The door is about to break

Woo-woo, woo-woo,

The police are coming


Rat-a-tat! Rat-a-tat!

The bullets pierced through me

Bang-bang, bang-bang

My husband still cries at the door


Wuh-uh, ah-uh, wuh-uh

Goodbye my love, I have to go.

© 2015 Jyoti_Ablaze


Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
Tried something new!
Hope you enjoy this as much as I had while writing it!
Review, rate and share.
Thank you for your time.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

this is soo good !!!!!!!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you!
Fatema

8 Years Ago

your welcome
My questions here are not so much about the poem itself but about your judgements and actions after you decided that, hey, we are under a home invasion here.
The door is being broken down so you both go to the door where you get several bullets that pierce through you and your husband is at the door as well. Did he go there to get shot as well? Seems, silly to me! Hide, find another exit, get some kind of a weapon. But, both go to the front to get shot? Not today?
Your sound effects are quite interesting!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Perkele.7885

8 Years Ago

I have to give you points for creative effort in trying to fool your readers. To do the fooling, you.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Do you suggest that I should add a few more lines?
Perkele.7885

8 Years Ago

When you write a poem, you have to consider plot development,The more detail orientated or tricky t.. read more
Wow, talk about a powerful ending, I did not see that coming. I loved the way you expressed the sounds, it misled my thinking so you ending jumped up slapped me in the face. Any time you can deliver that kind of impact to your readers you have accomplished greatness. Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much Bear! This is the best compliment! Made my day!
interesting, using sounds to tell the story!! I like it! :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the kind review, Terry.
Your words give such a powerful voice to the rhythm of motion and sound coming alive! Such a unique vision of life and pain and all the shadows that can rise in the dark around us.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind review, Craig!
An owl on the moon

8 Years Ago

Always a joy to see more inspirations from you, Jyoti. :)
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you again, its great encouragment!

4
next Next Page
last Last Page
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1350 Views
35 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 17, 2015
Last Updated on September 20, 2015

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



About
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA). Hope to see it someday..! Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..

Writing
Unsaid Unsaid

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..