Instructions (Sort Of)

Instructions (Sort Of)

K.S. 2013

 

When you haven’t heard from him

Don’t let your heart rate go through the roof.

Don’t wait by the phone (you already know that won’t happen)

Quit checking your computer

Get up and take a walk

Not by his house!

Do as a normal person would and wake up at a decent hour

Re-learn how to eat and shower

Don’t be a stalker!

 

He sends an ambiguous email.

Click with caution.

Read as slowly as possible.

Don’t scan and leap.

Breathe

Analyze between every syllable.

Screw reading between every line!

DON’T RESPOND!

Oh well I tried.

If you’re typing now make him think he’s denied.

Do what’s best silly girl.

Do you know what that is?

Go back to step one and repeat again.

 

‘How long will it take you to get there’ he asks

You will blow off your friends,

You will take a w****s bath

Inside he makes you feel like one

 

Complying with his short notices and tall demands at the snap of his elegant long stimulating fingers your brain melts and you follow his every command.

 

Be graceful.

Whatever you do; do not yell.

Be sincere.

You will disclose everything.

Even though, you know better.

If he asks to open up scarred over wounds,

remember those hurt.

Remember he won’t hurt over you.

 

He gets undressed.

You can see before his shirt comes off

all of the brightly colored tattoos on his chest.

Your clothes fall hard,

hitting the ingrained wooden floor.

Suck in your stomach.

Bat your eyes.

This isn’t new.

No surprise.

 

Try to shrug it off.

This could be the first day of forever.

You’re really not too clever.

He’s in his underwear.

You’re not ready to let go.

So do what you do best,

go down low.

 

You smile.

He smiles back.

Did you memorize the shape of the flower on his back?

Don’t forget now.

Remember everything.

How could you when you gave him his name?

You speak quietly of love and with affection.

He speaks of sex drugs and his erection.

Talk more, be smooth.

Steady going for round two.

 

Lying there sweating,

you stop shrugging it off,

you start remembering.

The way his eyes lit up when they met yours.

The way his belly fell flush against your pelvic bone.

You twitch because you know,

he doesn’t want to be your home.

You fall.

Recall when he said he loved the sound of your voice.

 

I told you that there was a choice.

Not to die again.

Not to let him take you like a pill again.

It’s an oral fixation.

He wins again.

 

He says something sarcastic.

You apologize.

He says another one will be his.

This doesn’t mean you.

It means someone else,

someone new.

You dread the life you will live again.

Going to your own bed alone at 4a.m...

 

Text him call him send a certified letter.

Stall and say you left your sweater.

Make sad faces on the computer.

Say you’re sorry.

He’s your one and only.

Tell him not to forget.

Tell him to remember,

how your eyes met.

Is it working?

You’re not lying.

You shouldn’t have been trying.

 

He doesn’t respond.

He doesn’t call.

Even better he does and blames you for it all.

Flipping it around, telling you,

you’ve forced his hand.

You didn’t have to say yes.

He will remind you of this.

You didn’t have to go that night,

but you did,

letting him take the last of your light.

He shuts his off and goes to sleep.

 

Go inside to the bathroom sink.

Brush your teeth and wipe off clean.

Cry and vomit.

You totally lost it.

 

Why did you go?

Did you go for love?

For pain?

Did you go for promises?

Only gaining memories.

Now you’re lost and thoughtless.

Numb to him and his games.

You’ve succumbed.

Goodnight little angel.

Tomorrow will be hard to handle.

I am still here.

You can count on me,

the voice in your head

and yes, for the record

I am dead.

 

Go ahead self-destruct

you deserve at least that.

My love

My love

All of my love for you.

k.s.2013

 

Reviews

[Zero_Edge88]

That is so beautifully destructive yet broken. It's a fallen love for sure. A one night stand is one chapter of regret that can't be said more though it begins so awkwardly it ends it with a sad twist of loathing and animosity. For what is love these days but a bunch of texts, horrible miscommunications and one night stands for those who can't take it to the next level.

[K.S.78]

Well put review! Thanks so much

[Shay]

I loved the theme and overall message, especially how you started it in the first stanza. you did an amazing job capturing such in your writing .. very excellent job well done

[Stefon Napier]

I love poems that release a range of expressions. You don't write words, you play with them like you invented them. That is skill. Keep going!

[K.S.78]

You don't write words, you play with them like you invented them.-- This has to be one of the nicest compliments I have ever received in my entire life! Thank you so much!

[Criss ;)]

Beautiful write, by your writings i seemed you got a great talent of writing.
nice;y penned this one as usual, have this 100/100 :)

[K.S.78]

You are too kind...but totally awesome!! lol ;)

[Bryan_Himmel]

This was beautiful, sad, the contrasting of emotions played so well by your words and you constructed a gorgeous piece full of a forlorning hope that so many have invested into relationships in the past. I did enjoy how not only did it speak of the side of the "user in the situation" but also the one "being used". I love your ability to truly capture an idea and breathe life into it.

[K.S.78]

Wow thank you for the awesome review! :)

[CNC9619]

That was gorgeous! It makes me feel as though I am in that situation. I feel a wrenching in gut just think about it!

[K.S.78]

Thank you

[CNC9619]

No problem, it's the truth.

[M.KOGOS]

Very good! A beautiful poem!

[K.S.78]

Thank you!

[Simon Welsh]

Beautiful chaos. I like.

[K.S.78]

Glad you like