Nothing More Than A Passing Moment

and something different ... looking forward to your thoughts

smoking a cigarette 

naked and alone 

wide awake at three am

lying in the silence of my bed 

screaming voices in my head

stone cold, frozen 

feeling naught

stuck

in a moment 

chastising 

everything in existence 

notably myself 

I allowed him passage 

within 

caught up  in the whirlwind of lust 

he took control 

hard 

fast 

over 

goodbye 

perched on the toilet 

for as long as it was going to take 

to pee out 

him

his taste 

his smell

his experience 

I wipe away 

our relations that 

were never meant to amount to 

anything more

than this thought 

Author's Note

been reading some Robert Creely

Reviews

[Gee]

"To pee out him" love that.Could you please ,in future relationships practice safe sex,for your own good,thank you......Enjoyed the read and also the views of others

[KWP]

hahahaha it was hypothetical ... I was not my own muse you silly ;)

[Gee]

Ahhhhhh,mmmm,silly is the least of it,lol

[KWP]

Hehehe - me silly is commonplace .... Now excuse me I gotta go pee X

[Christopher Robin]

I'd love to know what your reader 'Border' was smoking when they gave that review, because I want some.

Female empowerment? I'm sorry but this is the definition of the opposite. The evidence is right there in the words. The fact you use words like 'alone' signify the need to have company. The fact that you are 'screaming at' and 'chastising' yourself shows that you're quite clearly not alright after this encounter. In fact, the only person who 'takes control' in this piece is the male; unnamed, unknown, yet seemingly the source of inspiration for this writing. Make no mistake, this is not female empowerment writing - and there's nothing wrong with that.

Now on to the piece itself. It has no flow, it is not even governed by its own boundaries. You chop and change phrasing, tone, rhythm and line length so capriciously that it reads like the diary entry of a regrettable one night stand rather than prose.
That being said the writing does conjure a sharp, clear image with a minimal amount of cohesive words, many of the singular word lines are nice jabs, that much is worthy of praise. As a whole though I would scoop this lot up and turn it into a poem. There's a gripping idea in there, just not expressed in a gripping way.

A question to the poem - if the encounter was 'never meant to relate to anything more than this thought' then why all the supposed regret and anguish at the start? It's so undefined as to be almost nonsensical. I've read much better entries from you, I look forward to reading more soon.

- Christopher Robin

[KWP]

ha - brutal and honest - thanks - and what if it was meant to be a mixture of both yours and crazy smoking Border's words - - I mean we often pit so much emphasis on how things should be and why - what if it was more of a stripping of emotion and facing bare facts - what if it was a coming of age so to speak into the age of acceptance ?

As I said I had read some Creely and this was proffered up out of the universe - I usually write in layers- I guess these layers just resemble dirty bedsheets :)

As for your other comments - thank you I will thinkmore on them on the train today X

[marcus]

Great writing, I thought that was really good!

[Emily]

I love this one!!!
Keep it up!

[KWP]

what exactly do you love about it ?

[Emily]

I am not sure, I think it's the way you started it!

[Border]

Sharp, short hard hitting sentences, that grip the interest of the reader at the very outset. The heroine in the poem is emotionally empowered and very sorted in her thinking. This poem is a classic example that a strong woman is not defined by a man, and the female "shakti" is more powerful than the male 'shiva".
On reading the poem one can easily empathise with the writer and transports us into her world, where she and only she call the shots, with the reins of life fully in her able hands.
This is a catharsis of sorts, when the heroine is cleansing her body and soul of her man who does not live up to her expectations.
A brilliant poet, and it is indeed an honour to read such superb thoughts from a beautiful mind.
Regards.

[Neville]

A delightfully well written account of a series of moments and emotions that provide one of the most hard hitting insights into the aftermath of passion and regret that I have read in a long time. I could of course be entirely wrong and this might just be a great little poem in it's own write...

[sinNsincerity]

I love how raw and upfront it is. I also enjoyed the foreshadowing here.
This is one of my favs!

[KWP]

cheers bud - can you please explain what you mean by foreshadowing ?

[sinNsincerity]

Once I read this, " caught up in the whirlwind of lust
he took control," I had a clear picture of where the poem was heading...

[Chris]

quite the soliloquy... moments of choice and there after the choice of the moment.

[KWP]

Wow and from the path you veer to the left and come visit ... Hello you :-)

[Chris]

I visit more often than you know...I just speak up less

[KWP]

yeah ... I know that :) ... it's true I do X

[Border]

Respected Ma'am,
What pathos. What survival instinct. Classic poem, that brings out the dignity of the lady in this poem. She is her own person and does not depend on a 'man" to define her.
It is a long long time since i read a good poem with meaning.
Read my latest post and give me your stark frank hard opinion. It will take you a long time to read.
"Doctrine for Failed Students"
Give it to underachieving students and see the results.
regards.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Wow, KWP, it takes my breath away. Hard, fast, over, goodbye can never be a solid structure to begin a relation I guess. So be my guest and pee on it. Thank you for sharing this poem. :) Rudi