Ash(revision)

Ash(revision)

A Book by Jordan
"

So here's my second attempt on Ash.

"

© 2015 Jordan


Author's Note

Jordan
This is Ash, a sort of prequel to Dust.

The male lead of Dust is Vaughn. The female lead of Dust is Yael. Ash is her story.

My Review

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Featured Review

A grimy story of desperation and survival against all odds. Your character Yael is definitely a fighter, a young warrior. I wonder what actually happened to her Mother. Personally, I prefer the first version of this story. Granted there were some typing errors here and there but your other readers already pointed them out. Besides that, I feel It was more organized than this one. I understand there was a bit of mystery to the events at hand and to some of the characters, but that could work to the advantage of a story sometimes.
Overall this is a really good project. Well done.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jordan

1 Year Ago

I get what you're saying. Limit the exposition, right?
Jodash

1 Year Ago

Yes I guess that's what I saying in so many words. For example part 2 in your revised version had so.. read more
Jordan

1 Year Ago

I think I see where you're coming from. It actually made me read over it again. I have 40-ish days t.. read more



Reviews

A grimy story of desperation and survival against all odds. Your character Yael is definitely a fighter, a young warrior. I wonder what actually happened to her Mother. Personally, I prefer the first version of this story. Granted there were some typing errors here and there but your other readers already pointed them out. Besides that, I feel It was more organized than this one. I understand there was a bit of mystery to the events at hand and to some of the characters, but that could work to the advantage of a story sometimes.
Overall this is a really good project. Well done.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jordan

1 Year Ago

I get what you're saying. Limit the exposition, right?
Jodash

1 Year Ago

Yes I guess that's what I saying in so many words. For example part 2 in your revised version had so.. read more
Jordan

1 Year Ago

I think I see where you're coming from. It actually made me read over it again. I have 40-ish days t.. read more

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Added on July 17, 2015
Last Updated on July 17, 2015

Author

Jordan
Jordan

About
I guess I'm less of a writer, and more of a writing fanatic. I start things, but rarely have time to finish them between school, work, and now the Navy. more..

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