Falling

This is my first story. It's about falling down... it's about crushed hopes, darkness, losing control of life, not seeing an end to failure, hurt... and a white-haired boy.

I fall down a lot. 

The first time it happened, I was walking down the stairs. My foot missed a step and I couldn't grab onto the rails fast enough. I remember my vision flashing black and white and black and white... and black and white... andblackandwhiteandblackandwhite... and then I couldn't even tell the difference between the two. And I just laid there, sprawled across the ground, my head slumped against the concrete. 

My friend found my helpless body and patched me up.

The second time it happened, I thought the pain wouldn't be as bad. 

But it was even worse. 

The third time hurt more than the previous.

The fourth time... then the fifth time... then the sixth time... Every time my body came in contact with the ground, I would think and believe that "this time wouldn't be as bad". But it always turned out to be just as bad. Sometimes the pain was so intense that it broke my body and I would lay there limp for hours, for days...

Every time, someone had to help me back up again. I could never do it myself. I was never strong enough.

My world was a dump. I was covered in scars and bruises. I was hurting all the time. My heart was a huge hole. Black, empty.

Then, one day, on the first day of winter, he came along and sat down on the park bench. Next to me.  

I tried to ignore him and stared on at the depressing greens, slowly fading into the recesses of darkness. But the more I tried to ignore him, the more I couldn't help but look at him. 

He had white hair, snow white hair. But he wasn't old. No more than twenty by my estimate. The white was stark against the disappearing light of dusk. I hated the colour. 

So I looked away. 

And looked back again. There was something about the whiteness that beheld the eye.

"What are you looking at?"

The anger in his voice surprised me. And unsettled me. 

"Nothing."

There was an uneasy silence. 

I looked away. 

Somewhere, above our heads, the droning of a plane grew louder then softer again, fading into insignificance.

"Why is your hair white?" The words slipped from my tongue before I could grab a hold of them. I silently cursed.

"What?" His tone was curt. 

"Your hair." 

"What about it?"

"It's white."

"So? Got a problem with that?"

"Why is it white?"

He shrugged, as if carefree, but his shoulders were tense. 

Another plane flew past. Soft, loud, soft... then nothing.

And then, as abruptly as he came along, he left. He stood up with an anger and hatred that was as stark as his hair and stalked off. 

And collapsed. 

I watched him fall. I saw clearly - despite the darkness - the fear on his face. His wide eyes and open jaw, screaming a silent cry of help. He hit the ground softly, with a quiet thump. 

He didn't get back up again. 

There was something painfully familiar about the fall. Almost as if I had seen it happen before, watched the same scene replay over and over again countless times before...

I ran over to his body. I paused for a second, unsure. The whiteness of his hair sent shivers through my brain. 

He wasn't moving. 

When I turned him over moments later and checked for his pulse, his heart wasn't moving either.

I barely remember the rest in detail. My fingers reaching for the phone, calling OOO, my heart thumping louder than my voice, blood burning in my ears, sirens, red and blue, flashing... yes there was lots of flashing... and red and blue... and then...

Silence.

I was alone again. 

I walked. 

Part of me was scared to fall. Scared to meet the same fate as he did. 

---

I did fall down many, many times after that incident. 

But always, always, I bit back the pain and got back up again. 

And then, I would brush off the hurt and continue walking on, towards whatever laid waiting for me in the distance. 

Author's Note

This is my first story, so please don't be too harsh :) But if there's any area for improvement, please tell me. I would really like to know what you guys think of it :D

Reviews

[Alia ZJ.]

This is such an amazing story with eloquent descriptions. I perceived this in a self-explanatory method but trust me, you did a very good job. Very well done! :)

[Katho28]

thank you!! this story is actually really personal... i had been facing certain internal turmoils and was losing control of life... and i had to write to make better of things... thank you for reading and reviewing, really appreciate it :)

[Alia ZJ.]

Well then, you put it up really nicely. :) It is so weird how writing can serve for therapeutic reason anyway. I hope you're okay now? :)

[Katho28]

yes, you're absolutely right about writing as being therapeutic.. and yes, i'm much better now :) thank you for asking :)

[Alia ZJ.]

That sounds like a strong individual. Thumbs-up! ;)

[Riding the Rainbow]

I really liked it..you did an amazing job describing life..

[Katho28]

thanks Kejara :) really appreciate it and thanks for reading.