Disarmed

Drop your weapon, 

there's nothing you can do; 

I died long ago before the King of Truth. 

With his spiked metaphors nailed to my cheeks, 

he reddened my tears and rendered me weak. 

"Foolish child," I heard him growl deep, 

"your eyes were open, but your mind was asleep."

For I lay my memory-gems, heart-gold, and diamond-thoughts

at the feet of your charm while you wrapped your knots.

The warmth of sunrise faded soon after, 

replaced by the numbing cold of hollow laughter. 

I had worshipped your face in a sea of dreams,

away in the night with your scissors at my seams.

In the light of many half moons, the shadow won,

guarding your accountability while I came undone,

a tumbleweed of rags, shreds of skin and bone,

tossed by your ego in the dungeons of our home.

Somehow, I was still alive,

clinging to the blindness shielding me inside.

Then a full moon bloomed, exploding into view - 

it mirrored to me every inch of you;

just a small man with nothing to give.

I died to leave you with the lies you live. 

Reviews

[Jibey]

The dawning of truth on this hollow relationship is cleverly crafted, with gritty words and bare exposure, the collapse of the dream in a tumbleweed of emotions. There are so many string and memorable phrases here - 'spiked metaphors', charm dispensed 'while you wrapped your knots'. 'your scissors at my seams'. The reality of the egocentric male is dramatically revealed as the full moon turns him into a 'small man with nothing to give'.
I love the strength in this writing, the incisive mind that has known the trappings of love and faced down the harsh realities of life's lottery.

[Kay]

I really appreciate your detailed reviews, they're very thoughtful! I like the way you summarized the female speaker's dynamic, in the sense that she has 'faced down the harsh realities of life's lottery'. It definitely highlights the helplessness, unfairness, and injustice of her situation. It's interesting that when fully exposed, sometimes the vulnerable aspects that were meant to stay hidden are shown. In the "reality of the egocentric male" as you wonderfully phrased it, the man was no longer a monster to the woman once she saw him for what he was altogether.. as opposed to what he tried to strongly portray in order to maintain his sense of dominance. It's a shame that this relationship dynamic is common.

[Jibey]

Thank you for this - a reminder that the persona assumed by a poet is not necessarily personal. I should have given you more credit for being able to empathise so convincingly with what is sadly common in many relationships - as you point out.

[Kay]

Oh, haha yes! I'm a huge empath, so a piece might not be specifically personal to me. Thank you kindly for your praise.

[Saoirse K.]

vivid imagery and wordplay used throughout this piece
i really appreciated the colourful and varied vocabulary
it made the piece come alive for me

the illumination of truth
the sinister brought to light
that change in perception
on the other side of death

this reminded me of the novel "Doomed" by Chuck Palahniuk
not sure if you're familiar with that one
but it's worth a read

great piece

[Kay]

Thank you very much! It was especially awesome to read the comment "it made the piece come alive for me". My sister and is a Chuck Palahniuk fan, I'll be asking her about that book!