Flying.

For anyone who ever had a cage.

I guess I’m like every other girl, I’ve always wanted to fly, but I’m far too scared of falling to ever let go. Why shouldn’t I be? When you’re young you think you can do anything, you’re a king, a hero and a legend and you can conquer the universe. Everyone loves you, you grow up believing that lie and then you find out that you’ve been lied to. Your no-one amazing, your human, you’re not a supermodel, most people just laugh at you. You grow up and all of a sudden you fall for the first time, it’s not the short stumbling drop that you faced ever other time. Like all times you dropped into a shallow deppression with dozens of arms ready to help you out from where you’d fallen. It’s nothing like that. It’s a quick plummet into the very depth, below where you are, below all of your feelings, in the dark nothingness that lies waiting to swallow us all. It takes years to wake back up, to crawl your way back up to the ditch you’d fallen into initially, only to find that everyone else has moved on, and the hands waiting there aren’t the ones that had been there when you’d fallen. They’re ones that had called advice that cut, from somewhere above you. Your first thought is to protect yourself, to build your walls and make sure that they are high enough that you’ll never fall again, you chain yourself with ropes to the ground and then wonder why no one appreciates how well you’ve done to not fall again, not realising that they’re all watching to see how beautiful it will be when you fly.  Finally, when your world has spun the full 360 degrees and you understand, its too late to unchain the ropes that have become a part of your body and you watch with hidden envy as the people around you find their wings. So once again I’m watching people sing on stages, fly on the gym matts, and jump across rooms with spinning effortless kicks, trying to absorb the height that I’m not brave enough to find. Running away to corners to try to do it on your own before you realise the startling truth. The only thing worse than never being able to fly would be to fall again.

I don’t know where this is coming from, maybe a spinoff of one of those childhood dreams… you know, a teacher, a friend, your parents, and your family. Someone tells you that you are good at something and all of a sudden there’s no doubt that that is what you were destined to do.  It takes a while to grow out of them, and that’s usually still only because you found some other occupation that sounded more fun. I always wanted to be an author, of course, if I’m quite honest with myself I also wanted to be an actress, a singer, a doctor, an inventor, a train driver and for one beautiful month, a dinosaur. I do love writing, my laptop is filled with half written stories with plots that had fallen short of the task of writing, songs that failed to satisfy.  Looking back some of the work I did when I was younger was more insightful than my most profound of thoughts lately. I guess you lose a lot when you grow up. 

Author's Note

As always, Comments are always welcome :)

Reviews

[reflectingus]

I don't know if I can really explain my feelings right now. I'm rather touched, emotional by the way everything that you're going through is so much similar to what I'm going through. You have thoroughly expressed everything, rather amazingly, I love the way you took the example of falling and then chaining yourself with fears, and then envying those who finally flew. I have felt that way so many times, I'd watch those around me prosper, and I'd be confused. No, actually, even I knew that I wanted to be a singer/writer...but my heart told me to be realistic, it's hard to be that, you have to have recognition, it won't pay, and all those worries. And when you're younger, everything is actually easier, you just know what you want, and I fell into that confusion, watched those around me with similar dreams enter music contests, as I dreamed from dark hole. And finally, when I wanted to fly, they all have already flown away, and I could feel that betrayal as I read your write. But you know what? yes, you do lose some things when you grow up, but growing up gains you something- opportunities. You are still very young, you'll know regret when you see an old man reminiscing how he wanted to be a cowboy, a kid dying of cancer, and right now, it's best to make the best of what you still have and go for it, full speed. Okay, so maybe I'm a bit too moved right now, hence the long comment lol. Nonetheless, great job, I loved how you let it all out. Keep writing, never give up.

[Blindfolded]

This is very good. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Pax]

enjoyed this, a wonderful story taken from experience of someone ;)

[Bare trees]

You did a very good job of putting into words what you're feeling today as opposed to what you felt in younger days. It can be daunting to watch people around you gain their wings while you're still on the ground but I don't think there are any time limits to something like that. I think whatever you put your mind to you can do. Hard work is the key. Good story.

[Taylor H.]

I loved this. very creative and thought out.

[Rusty]

Thanks for this write. I have nothing to add other than I shal revist this piece several times before I can evolve into what it means to me. You have crafted something which stirs.

[Sleeping Maiden]

Gosh, you have no idea how much this touched me emotionally! It's really well written. You bring great ideas and things we all go through. It's true about how we collaspe and fall and being in that dark pit. It's hard to rise. And you speak the truth about dreams! We do lose a lot when we grow up. It's hard not to. We have different experiences and stories of our own lives. The pain of our own makes us who we are and what makes us fight if we're willingly to do so. Hmmm...I've wanted to be an actress as well.. an author.. a film director... to be in a band... it's true.. we need recognition.. for certain jobs/career. But i believe one's passion for a specific career/job will show no matter what.. if you love what you do, people will see it. People will support you. =) That's what i think. It's easy to break dreams..but remember as long as you have the passion for whatever it may be - that will be your MOTIVATION... =D Thank you for this write. You made me realize a lot of things. Well done my dear!!! Thank you...

[Omar Kiam]

I liked the story, but have a few suggestions. Some of your sentences are too long, break them up into two regular sentences. The first paragraph is too long. There is enough material to break it into several paragraphs. It may flow better, and not seem so hurried once you do that, unless that's the effect you were going for.

[Kaya]

Wow, Please know that you LITERALLY just made my night. I wrote this one a year ago, I was going through a rough patch at the time. Thank you so much :) Even though I write with the intention of touching other people its still amazing to me that i've managed it. Thank you!!!!