A Haunting

just an idea been stuck in my head.

A Haunting

 

In the Loneliness I wait

Till my mind is dark and frail

Following my bitter tale

Is the sin you shall inhale.

 

In the darkness I've come

Sound of a hundred voodoo drums

Welcome me to your home

Omnipresent, though forever alone

 

Your room is in my possession

Creeping in and watching your decisions.

Oh girl what is this obsession.

In the afterlife you're still my motivation.

It's a, Haunting.

 

As the church bells start to ring

And the choir starts to sing

A group of angels set flight

For a war in the dark of night

 

Cross-hair struck on my soul

My time is up, so I've been told.

Five more minutes is all I want

For you have been my favorite haunt.

 

Your room is in my possession

Creeping in and watching your decisions.

Oh girl what is this obsession.

In the afterlife you're still my motivation.

It's a haunting... a haunting... a haunting!

 

Can you here my cursed screams

As the Angels capture me

I'm refusing to leave

As death will never be

The same...cause

 

Your room is in my possession

Creeping in and watching your decisions.

Oh girl what is this obsession.

In the afterlife you're still my motivation.

It's a haunting... a haunting... a haunting!

 

Author's Note

an idea for a song I've had. I tried singing it but I sound like a horse.. and I have no tune to my voice but anyways this is kinda what I was humming in my head whiles writing this, it should be integrated with some kind of dark wave or symphonic metal beats to it.

Reviews

[Dye]

I really enjoyed this, I felt like I could see movie images while I was reading. Love how dark it is, can completely see it as a song.

[Purva Pathak]

congo!!! yoo won :)
it is worth winning :)

[Mary Christabel George]

Every single word describes beauty and decency.
I specially liked the following lines - "Welcome me to your home
Omnipresent, though forever alone" as well as the fourth para. Good!

[Saichiro Wolftotem]

You know, I could tell this was a song? I'm no songster, but I was humming as I read it. Good stuff. Wish I knew the tune.

[KeeD]

I uploaded a recording of me failing as I attempt to sing it :P

[AWickedMoon]

It was an absolute beautiful poem. I would find much enjoyment in being able to hear this in a song with the music you picture it with. :)

[KeeD]

I sound like a horse or i'd record it :P

[KeeD]

I uploaded a recording of me failing as I attempt to sing it! :P

[AWickedMoon]

Yay! As soon as I get home I will listen to it! Sadly my work computer dosent have sound. :(

[Sarah Redigan]

Could be taken many diffrent was great write

[KeeD]

Haha to be honest the band The Rasmus was playing in the background and I was humming a tune .. and like this just came naturally... Man do I have a messed up mind.

[Sarah Redigan]

Arnt thoughs the best minds

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

Beautiful. It reminds me of something Poe would write.

[KeeD]

....Speechless, I think this would be the best review i've ever gotten in my life. I'm an amateur at best, new to writing and only work on it as a hobby but to get such a review, it fuels my passion, motivates me to get better to make myself believe that I could write something as amazing one day as Mr Edgar Allan Poe. Thank you so much for the great review, I have to repay the favor and check out your work.

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

Well I say only what I mean. I'm a amateur too. :-). It is all a work in progress.

[KeeD]

You might not see it but the smile you've equipped my confidence with is extravagant, I'm truly grateful for your kind words. I definitely hope when you do get free time on your hands to check out this horror generic series of poems i've been working on, its about a 15 year old girl and the sinister events that take her life by surprise. I've put up 3 parts of the series up, working on 4 and 5. I'd love to know what you'd think of it.

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

I would love to. That is my style of writing. I'm very optimistic but I can never get a poem out of that attitude. You have great potential, I can already see it. :-). I meant every word.

[KeeD]

Thank you, i'd so offer to buy you coffee right now, haha. :3

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

You are welcome. :) And I'd so accept. :)

[Poem for Your Sprog]

Very, very nice. This poem paints a very vivid story, and I love the tone it has. Good job!

[KeeD]

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, I hope it didn't disappoint :3

[~SouthernGirl~]

I like this. It could be a really cool song. The mood is very creepy yet lureing, and the structure and imagery is very well written. I like this write. :)

[KeeD]

[~SouthernGirl~]

What?

[KeeD]

sorry i meant to type, Thanks so much, i love your support, you're def one of my pillars on this website. This beats the bed intruder song eh? haha

[~SouthernGirl~]

Ah, okay. Your very welcome. :) Haha. :)

[Tina Kline]

I think this would make an outstanding song. Very dark and haunting. A kind of desperate tale that would be appealing in a song. Excellent job.

[KeeD]

Thank you :3