Bridge after Coma

Got this idea after reading Muse's poem "Walking Across Water"

I don't feel awake

The first step

It's the hardest

I am incapable of moving past it

Will you take me across

Disillusioned by decisions 

Fragile, I've broken myself 

Carrying my own cross

Hold my hand

I'm shaky and my legs give in

Understand, I'm not ready 

There's too much hurt within

Halfway there

I feel your strength run through me

The cloak of your embrace

I can taste serendipity in the air 

Is God aware

I'm drowning in my own despair 

Held tight by a mother's hold

Feels so warm yet she's so cold

Stay with me still

Only memories are here to stay

Was a time when you said you'd never go away

Then why am I alone

Mama

This is the bridge that's going to take us home

Why am I afraid that you're going to go alone

Another sleepless night 

Can you hear my cries 

Calling out your name

Building bridges just to numb the pain

I never want to forget your face

Is this my fate

To live on without you 

It was my fault 

he took you away

I'm not too late

Mama, I'm taking the bridge to you now

I'll see you as soon as all my blood pours out 

We'll be together, happy again

   Don't text and drive my friends

Reviews

[Andie]

"Hold my hand?
I'm shaky and my legs give in
Understand I'm not ready
There's to much hurt within"

That one's my favorite. It's so versatile, and seems like something I would write.
The picture is really beautiful and seem endless.
Good job Kee. It was very well written. :3

[KeeD]

Thank you Amanda :3 It does seem endless now that I look at it :D

[Shaylynn H.]

It's well written but blue italics are absolutely murderous on the eyes. Also left justification is harder for people to read and some interest can be wained - unless you're trying to force them to focus as hard as they can. Whenever I use left justification it's because I want people to really listen and to have to strain to read. As I said it's well-written, just the formatting that I have trouble with. That's just my designer eye though.

[KeeD]

Hey Shahylynn as regards to the blue I hear ya I was contemplating using it or not.. as for the left justification I did want people to have a hard time reading it because then they'd focus more on the pain delivered through the message through the difficulty they had reading it.. a new kind of approach I was trying just with this piece.

[Shaylynn H.]

Italics that are san-serif are always a loss for me.

[KeeD]

I agree with you a 100 percent that's why I edited it right away. I like to make my poems presentable though and unique visually, but this site has it's limitations

[Shaylynn H.]

I think you can manipulate the fonts by doing it in Microsoft Word and copying and pasting.

[KeeD]

Wow did not know that. Appreciate the help so much, thank you Shaylynn. Love your name by the way it even feels good typing it out.

[Shaylynn H.]

Thank you.

[Shaylynn H.]

Pronounced Shale-in

[Muse]

I like the black font much better on the eyes...

[KeeD]

Yup :D Thanks Muse :3 Credit goes to Shaylynn for knocking some sense into me.

[Shaylynn H.]

You're welcome.

[Muse]

ha ha ha

[KAOlmsted]

This is a truly haunting piece, Keegan...it brings to mind exactly what you have tried to express...well, succeeded to express ;-) I couldn't imagine the survivor's guilt associated with being responsible for taking a life through my own thoughtlessness. Excellent piece, and excellent message. Great job.

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Wow!!!!! This is amazing!!!!!!! I love the emotion and the way you expressed his pain!!!! Maybe I'm just a little too into pain, but this is really beautiful!!!! I wonder, does he find the forgiveness he longs for?

[KeeD]

in my story i interpret that the pain of his loss and his guilt is to strong so he kills himself.. but you can interpret it in your own way

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

No, I realized that he killed himself, but does he find his mother in the afterlife, whatever afterlife there may be, and gain her forgiveness? No one has such pain without a want of forgiveness

[KeeD]

What do you think?:P Will she forgive him? Is she even waiting for him at the other side of the bridge :) Or is he not going to heaven, stuck in purgatory.. Interesting eh :P

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Grrrrr:) Now my mind is turning with curiousity:)

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Although I do believe she'd be waiting for him. I know I would if I was his mother...

[KeeD]

I believe you are a parent, I might be mistaken. But if your not I can tell you'll be a wonderful mom. A friend wrote this in a review to this piece, read it and maybe you can build a story to what happens after It also reminds me of an episode of Haunted Highway I watched one time. In the episode a woman was traveling a dark windy road with her son, and he was little I wanna say 5? And she wrecked off the road and down a mountain. There was no evidence of the wreck on the road so no one knew it. Along the road another woman thought she saw a naked woman lying on the side of the road. She made her husband turn around but there was no one there. She called the cops! And still there was no one there...the little boy's aunt kept having dreams about the number 12. A week went by from the time of the wreck, and the officer on the case saw a sign on the side of the road. It was a 12 mile marker, and beside it was a shoe. He went farther back into the woods and saw mangled car parts left and right until he came to the bottom. He saw a blinding light and then noticed the rest. The seats were all that was left of the car, where the woman and her son was. The woman had died instantly, but amazingly enough the small boy in the back seat had been saved. The people involved believed it was the mother that led them to her son, even after death. - Serenity Faith

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

That's really interesting:) And no, I'm not a mother, not yet:) I"m only sixteen:) My friends call me mother wolf sometimes though because I act so much like one:) And that really helps:) thanks:)

[KeeD]

hahaha :) mama wolfie~ thats cute as.

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Shut up:) Yes, mother wolf:) you got a problem with it? Romulus and Remus didn't:)

[KeeD]

hahaha no as long as you can teach me how to be one with the pack, I wanna howl at the moon with ya' and smoke blunts with horses.

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

It's not hard at all:) Trust me:) I've been part of this pack since middle school man:) As long as you don't mind people thinkin you crazy you should fit in well:) And bring me a blunt and a horse and I'll smoke one with ya:)

[KeeD]

lmao ;D

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Good:) we all need a laugh in todays fucked up world:)

[KeeD]

Haha we sure do and you make me laugh like a fookin unicorn, thanks you, Shakes a*s at you and runs..

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

*Stands patiently, not willing to give chase, then gives a patronizing look* I'm glad I make you laugh, but don't taunt me:P

[KeeD]

Haha sorry what?:P I was too busy spraying you with whipped cream

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Really man, really? So immature:) But thanks for the yummy snack:)

[Faffy]

ahhh keegan you ruthless writer you, youre hogging all the readers! haha but i cant really blame em=) this is absolutely fantastic the content and meaning in particular but what kills it a little for me is the rhyme its not as fluid to match the theme and for me made it feel a bit staccato but who cares i loved it either way=)

great job bro!

roshan

[unshakenScene]

just wow :)

[Mehak Mushtaq]

One the best poems I've read. So obscure, yet so clear. I do not have anything else to say. The way you've written, says it all.

[kublakhan27]

Sometimes a poet captures his subject so well that there is nothing left to say in its wake, only a reader's acknowledgement of a job well done...well done my friend.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow this really touched my heart, so heartfelt and full of pain and loss and despair. Beautifully written Kee.