Not The Opera House

An iconic Aussie structure,

Sydney's Opera House its not.

Not a pleasant place to visit

When you need to plonk your dot.

The construction very basic

It really is quite humble.

Instead of music harmony

A  growling  tummy rumble.

 

We tend to call it many names

And some of them are funny.

There's the one that rhymes with Smit House

And  thunderbox and dunny.

They're quite a distance from the house

Maybe too far, you might think.

But in that searing summer heat

Bloody hell, they really stink!

 

Pre-flight checks are essential

Every seasoned pilot knows.

But there is a need to hurry,

Coz it’s really on the nose.

Is paper hanging on the wall?

Strung  up on old fence wire.

To find its gone a bit too late,

Then your situation dire.

 

Are Tiger snakes down in that hole?

Maybe fallen in the pit.

They could be lurking in the dark

Slithering  amongst the grit.

The final check is to be sure,

No nasty red back spiders.

They'll sneak into a timber split,

They’re clever little hiders.

 

You need to look around the seat

And underneath the lip.

The greatest dread of country lads

A Red Back spider nip.

There's a long time Aussie custom

It’s burned into our soul.

In dunny paper you squish 'em

And drop them down the hole.

 

Dreadful suffering from their bites

Swelling quite incredible.

The horror stories in my mind,

Images indelible.

Some bloke was bitten on the smalls,

They said his name was Sparrow.

To get around he had to wheel,

His tackle in a barrow.

 

One dunny in particular,

It was way worse than the rest.

Even hardened Aussie bushmen

Would struggle to pass it's test.

On a thousand acre sheep farm,

A  way from the shearer's huts.

Deliberately uncomfortable

For those shearers ugly butts.

 

With its seat on quite an angle

The builder a total dope,

As for getting comfortable,

You just had no bloody hope.

Two holes were cut In that bench seat

Its a tandem ride no less.

No way that I could share that place

Surely built to cause distress.

 

At the end the soiled paper,

Never went where it was meant.

It flew up through the other hole

It was much to my torment.

Driven by the whimsical breeze

It danced all about my face

We won't discuss what happened next

That awful place  a big  disgrace.

 

This building made in tougher times

For a tougher breed of men.

If this was life in olden days

Well I'm glad I missed it then

Author's Note

Do you get get kicked out of the WC for toilet humour?

Reviews

[s y e]

That spider just creeped me out, dude! _._ Argh. Thanks, now I gotta sleep after reading a horror story and seeing a creepy, deadly spider! O.O

This was hilarious though. It made me laugh out loud and its after 12am, ha! Thanks for the laugh!

~ Noodle. ★

[Keith]

Noodle, so sorry I freaked you out, just meant to be bit of a laugh. I have been wanting to write about that revolting toilet for about 45 years, thats when I spent a week on that farm. Those Redbacks are usually only tiny, but they do have nasty bite causing swelling and quite a bit of pain.

[s y e]

Yeah, spiders in general are creepy. But I loved this!

[Archangel Gabriel]

Ha Keith you can't get kicked out as this is dunny humour...I dunny understaund it ! I think that is an Irish term meaning I don't understand it. A nice humorous piece.

[Keith]

I suspect that Dunny (referring to a toilet) is just Australian slang that is not used elsewhere. We don't exectly speak proper English here, so am never sure if my poems will be understood. Thank you again Gabriel.

[TL Boehm]

OH MY GOD! I laughed so hard I almost peed! My mom had an outhouse when she was a teen and she loathed it. LOATHED it. I've heard horror stories.
Some bloke was bitten on the smalls,
They said his name was Sparrow.
To get around he had to wheel,
His tackle in a barrow.
I thought I would cry I laughed so much when I read this.
Seriously though - a spider in an outhouse - eeeeesh. Even a non poisonous one. No - not never!
This is a wonderful poem - it is potty humor but its presented in such a delightful way that its not vulgar or offensive. Its just hilarious!

[Keith]

Thank you again for your kind words Tammy. Glad we don't have much contact with the old outhouses these days. And yes, they usually do have lots of spiders, we check carefully. We tend to leave the larger huntsman spiders alone as they are non poisonous and the eat the flies, but prefer they keep their distance.

[Morgan Storms]

HAHA! This made me have a good laugh! well done! Not everyone can make the toilet sound funny!

[Keith]

Thank you Morgan, glad you got a laugh out of that.

[Nia Hope]

I liked this it was different to say the least lol great job

[Keith]

Thank you for dropping by Ankara, I appreciate your support.

[Nia Hope]

Anytime :) I enjoy reading your poems

[Jack...]

Very funny my friend. This one left me flushed.

[Keith]

Thanks Jack, glad you got a laugh.