Her

This poem is from a dark point in my life where I hid behind a smile because I hated myself, sorry if its a little dark.

I feel like I have forgotten myself. 

It's as if i've lost the battle, my opponent laughs at me in the mirror, celebrating her victory over me.

Her joyful smile is an outward reflection of the pain I feel inside. 

She really is beautiful, long blonde hair, sparkling green eyes, cherry lips.

I reach towards her, my hands curling in the anticipation of grasping her porcelain throat. 

However, as I reach closer to the expectation, she wilts. 

The light disappears, taking with it the illusion until I'm left staring at myself in the mirror, 

With my hands wrapped around my throat.

I see the echo of life in my eyes, now glazed with tears, as they threaten to overflow.

My once cherry lips are stained crimson in my effort to suppress my voice,

My tongue strains against my teeth, trying desperately to tell myself

I need help.

My hands tremble and I desperately gasp for air, filling my lungs with bittersweet guilt.

I am a coward.

I let go.

I breathe in.

I breathe out.

I see her starting to form again, before my eyes I see my progress crumble.

I hate her.

I need her.

I close my eyes.

She is in my head.

I open my eyes and she is back, a shield, a lie.

She protects me from myself.

I hate her.

I need her.

She smiles and I know my ugly secret is safe.

It's funny how much a smile looks like a grimace.

No one will ever know.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. I felt the emotional battle in your words. I like the internal thoughts allowing the reader to feel the hidden emotion to the people near. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much for your insight, I really appreciate it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[Spencer]

Wow this is very powerful. I love it! Continue writing!

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much!

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Very easy to follow. You have a clear voice. I know the feeling herein. At the end the last two lines almost make a haiku which I couldn't help noticing. I wonder if women feel like this more than men? Social pressures, anxiety over being good enough for others, a hurt hidden inside. This makes me feel comfortable with the anger I have towards myself. Thanks.

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Well this poem came from me being a people pleaser my entire life and if I looked tired, angry, sad or basically anything other than extremely happy then people would tell me to change and hide my emotions because it wasnt convenient for them, slowly that changed until I felt that way about myself and I truly hated myself. I still kind of do, but writing it helping a little. But yea, being constantly judged as a woman takes a toll, as Im sure it does on men as well, thank you for your comment, Im so happy it helped :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

yes this is dark.........powerful..........NEVER apologize for that.........
judging from this writing........you have some poetic tools and talents.......
and maybe........it takes courage to face it........and not to end oneself...........
i believe we all at some point in our life, go through such situations..........our struggle could never be the same......but the emotions and feelings are the same......
all the best and take care......
:)

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much, its good to know that people understand and can relate to my poem, I appreciate that sooo much, thank you so much for your kind words :')

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome............!!! :) :)