Anxiety

This is a poem about my struggle with anxiety and how lots of mental health issues run in my family.

It's here all the time, 

Infusing lies in my head that could very well be the truth.

It never goes away, my own fear paralyzes me from the neck down.

I become trapped in my thoughts.

I picture my enemy.

It shackles me.

It gags me.

It blindfolds me.

It inhibits me.

It is a black beast, a demon with the bones of my ancestors stuck in its teeth.

I am tortured, being tortured, as have the generations before me.

We are a troubled folk, for there are many beasts that have been passed down to me,

Through broken, trembling hands.

They shackle me.

They gag me.

They blindfold me.

They inhibit me.

These beasts have been set upon my shoulders,

A burden that I had no choice in bearing.

Their claws dig deep into my muscle, my bone,

Breaking me just enough to ensure compliance.

I shackle myself.

I gag myself.

I blindfold myself.

I inhibit myself. 

It is all a cycle.

A chain of events that constantly repeats itself.

Insomnia seduces my depression, tenderly stroking its power over me.

My depression purrs in pleasure, releasing bouts of self harm and paranoia.

This fuels the demon, it is pleased, and so the cycle continues.

I feel myself ebbing, 

Every piece of me washing away until I am a shell of what I once was.

The beasts release my shoulders and I collapse.

They circle around me, overwhelming me in darkness.

They have won, and what is left of me retreats into myself,

Trying desperately to fill the empty space.

There is no relief, I hear them outside, I weep.

And, with salty tears flowing down paper thin cheeks, I hear hope.

My heart is still beating.

I am still alive.

I cradle my heart in my hands, 

Determined to protect the last piece of myself.

Keep it safe.

Keep it safe.

Keep it safe.

Keep it safe.

  

Reviews

[Linda alexander]

This poem is very expressive and brings light to the real struggle of a person fighting with these kind of disorders. The ultimate shame is that society is either not willing to or intentionally disregarding the need for supporting those persons. Great poem

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much, this is so true. I've never been able to tell my mom about my anxiety, i've never gone to a doctor, all because I know how she will react. 'Attention seeking' is a term she uses a lot. That needs to stop, mental illness isn't an overreaction. Thank you so much for your review. :')

[zaisham9393]

I loved this.You wrote it perfectly.Very well expressed :)!

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you :)

[SuspectGray]

This poem struck me as a chant.... a chant of protection over your own feelings and anxiety. The sense of being dissipated, of having pieces of who we are slowly ebb away is not a pleasant feeling.

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much, that is what my anxiety feels like to me: a chant. Constantly at the back of my mind like a dull headache, and I'm glad to know that you understand my pain :) Thank you.

[Jason Romoise]

Great poem. It shows the pain of such individuals and it is really sad it still prevails in most of our lives. The way you've written it is beautiful.

[Mackenzie Knitter]

Thank you so much :')

[Jason Romoise]

You're welcome! :)