Him and Her

A poem of love, and the punishment of silence for those who have chosen not to accept the will of what is natural and pure.

Their lives were long,
and bitter sweet,
the parents claimed,
that they would never meet

But love is a gamble,
come what may,
both of whom,
knew what to do,
because their passion was true

Spite their elders,
come what may,
never looking back,
from that special day

When Ariadne left her thread,
leading the couple,
to be newly wed,
twas at their parents' dread

But their families did not know,
how far they would go,
to defend the love held so dear,
the loss of which they did fear

As the years past,
their love was no farce,
when they kissed so tenderly each day,
surely such bliss could not go away?

Throughout every night,
cupid saw them right,
with a passion so warm,
their lust always raw

But at dawn one day,
a stranger did say,
that their families could take no more,
disloyalty could never be borne

So the two lovers left,
their families bereft,
of the children they used to adore,
would speak to them no more

Despite all those years,
they never shed tears,
for love is much stronger than scorn,
without it our lives are forlorn.

Author's Note

The families of those young lovers are no longer spoken to, by the ones who had been most dear to them. A fitting punishment for those who have sought to stifle true love, perhaps?

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

My initial response to this poem was not positive. The change in rhyme scheme from one stanza to the next disrupted the fluidity of the poem and made it difficult to read. However, upon reading it a second time, this didn't seem to relevant to me. I think the poem could be caressed a bit more to give it the warmth of the love described. I really liked the inclusion of Ariadne and her magic thread.

[Samantha (:]

Love it! A little Romeo and Juliet inspired piece. (: I especially like the lines "But love is a gamble, come what may." I also love how you make it clear that they're not shedding tears of their families disapproval, to prove that their love is stronger than negativity and can get them through anything. A bit awkward with the wording at times but, over all, I love it. (:

[Marie Harrison]

Lovely poem. I really enjoyed this poem. The Bible does say that we are to leave our parents or family and be independent from them when we choose to cleave to our husband or wife. Sad that their families treated them in this manner.

[topsyturvy]

I agree with what London Calling said, when she mentioned, if Romeo and Juliet were a poem. This did remind me of those two wherein they grew apart from their families because of the love that they shared with each other. Come to think of it, true love... You can't just ignore it nor whisk it away. It's there and it's beautiful, and woe to those who try and destroy it.
As for the structure of the poem, well, I know nothing about that, I just think that it's nice and well written. A poem/story indeed :P But then again, aren't poems not just feelings/expression? Somewhat when writing one, you not only express yourself with it, but also writing a story, filled with rhythm, a lyrical sense to it and the like? Just a thought^^ I loved the poem, great job!:)

[London Calling]

If Romeo and Juliet were a poem, this is how it would sound, I like how unstructured it sounds, thats emotion, unstructured.

[closed account]

yes!! I love this story/poem. Love can be so strong somtimes stronger then
family!! thats the only way I want to love, anything less you are cheating yourself!!

Question:
Is this fact for you or fiction? just curious...

great write..

[Blue Sky]

Wow, it's like the love story of Romeo and Juliet
i see not further with contructive feedback
I only have embraciveness for words and how
the images are conveyed which are very nicely done!
Great job in creating this wonderful story of yours!!

[Andie]

Wow. So romantic. It's got that Romeo-and-Juliet thing going for it, too. Thanks for the great read!

[OverTheHorizon]

heeeyy!! wus up i love this writing its deep i visualized this couples life together with there family disagreing with their love so clearly seen!! comment back ill ttyl

[The DuchessPoet]

Julian,
I don't have your skill as a reviewer...
But I couldn't pass this writing by!
Your words moves me!
You got my attention...as usual!
But love is a gamble,
""come what may,
both of whom,
knew what to do,
because their passion was true""

I really like this write !
I really do!

[Ladysue]

wow, I think was very strongly expressed. It flowed well and the message was spoke volumes. Great job!