The Spirit of Freedom

The spirit of freedom,

Like a bird in flight,

Gives inspiration,

Day and night,

 

Freedom to live,

Freedom to learn,

Freedom to give,

Freedom to earn,

 

Our civil liberties,

In life we trust,

To friends and family,

When needs must,

 

But it's only ourselves,

We have to blame,

For life's shortcomings,

So often the same

 

These shortcomings,

I'm sure you know,

Disappointment in love,

No wealth to show,

 

All we can do,

Is try again,

To make amends,

And lessen the shame.

 

 

 

Author's Note

The Freedom Association

(Founded in 1975)

www.tfa.net

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

I like most of this, but I think you repeat "shortcomings" to soon - you probably shouldn't repeat it at all, since it is a distinctive word. (Change to "failures?") I was a little disappointed that you broke from from your rhyme scheme in the last three stanzas. Partly breaking it in the fourth, 1 and 3 are not quite a rhyme, but in the fifth and sixth 1 and 3 aren't even close, so you rhyme only 2 and 4 in the second half. It just feels awkward to me.

Concerning the content, It is interesting that you would write a poem about freedom, constricting yourself with rhyme, but shifting the meter freely. I think it works better the other way around (free verse, strict meter). I can't argue with the message. It's one of those eternal themes.

[Rebecca Rogers]

>But it's only ourselves,
>We have to blame,
>For life's shortcomings,
>So often the same

I like this stanza. Very true!! The poem itself is simple, but good.

Freedom is great! :)))

[Ladysue]

Julian, this was magnificent my friend! It flowed well and the message is quite profound. I agree with Dutchess all things is life are relative and your last stanza say it all for me. A very well composed piece!!!!

[The DuchessPoet]

Julian,
I love this piece it again is an example of your talent and diversity!
your words:
"But it's only ourselves,
We have to blame,
For life's shortcomings,
So often the same

These shortcomings,
I'm sure you know,
Disappointment in love,
No wealth to show,

All we can do,
Is try again,
To make amends,
And lessen the shame."

Our positions in relationships requires a cooperative effort...
That is, we have to "give" in order to fuel the existing situation!
But most importantly we have to learn from the decisions that we make
whether they be good, bad or indifferent; we are our own bottom line!
So if at first we don't succeed then we have to try and try again
learning each time from our experiences!
All things in life are relative!

I love this!
And though I feel more comfortable on the receiveing side of your reviews ... I couldn't help responding to this!
Very well spoken, my friend, very well done!

Your friend and fan,
The Duchess