When The Ship Goes Down

This poem is quite ambiguous in some respects, as I intended. It concerns a young sailor on a ship, as it is taking on water and about to capsize. And then, something mysterious happens to him.....

When the ship goes down,

all you've got is yourself,

what use are you friends,

fame or wealth?

 

Join the scramble to the deck,

running too fast risks a broken neck,

you gasp for breath,

with the fear of imminent death,

 

fond and fearsome memories flood your mind,

with the smothering force of a closing tide,

was it worthwhile,

this struggle called life?

 

You trip and stumble as the deck draws near,

all around you is dread and fear,

fellow captives of modern life,

push and shove in the madness of flight,

 

Will you ever again,

witness the morning light?

but closer to hand,

is the bitter fight,

 

After time unknown you spy the sea,

will a watery grave be your destiny?

what other choice do you have?

 

Leap to your doom,

or for a lifeboat fight?

it's at this moment that you see the light!

 

Are you dreaming,

and where are the sounds,

of your fellow sailors in the here and now?

 

The light it shines with a brilliant gleam,

and the sea reflects it with a glorious sheen,

your head spins and eyes feel glazed,

what lieth behind this mystic haze?

 

It's only then that you realise,

what a relief can be found in an early demise,

as you feel the saviour in your heart,

and from this world feel glad to depart...

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Jenny Nelson]

Excellent! Your description paints such a vivid picutre. What I'm taking away from this is, someone at one point in their insane, hectic, competetive life, finally "sees the light" of where their focus really should be and understands the aid and peace that comes from that source. Again, an excellent piece.

[Jason]

I really like this Julian. Especially in the beginning you ask a very intriguing question in "What use are your friends, fame or wealth?" When I began reading this I froze after that line for a moment before restarting to read the poem from the beginning once again. The question strikes me as one that is constantly present in alot of situations. I guess the answer depends on the person though right? From there I believe the poem follows much of the same intellectual sequence all the way to the tale of our departure. You ask alot of questions in this poem that are in most of our subconscious thoughts more often than not. Very interesting. Praise is deserved for this one, and I for one, enjoyed it.

Jay

[Ama May Cooper]

Wow.. this peace was tremendous. Such a vivid image permently imprnted into my mind of sailor scarabbling to survive, and the light , i assume death it is beautiful the innocence of it all. Your poetic ablities amazing andi hope you never stop writing

[kewlbluetiger]

Oh man! This was so awesome in so many ways. It is so faithful. The message here is so strong and you so poetically approach it. Really, you don't know (perhaps you do), but such a write can inspire hope. I so want to jump on a spiritual soapbox (in a good way), but really this write for me touched my heart and my faith. You left it with a sense of mysticism that one could interpret this perhaps many ways depending on experience and faith, which is what makes it so great to reread.

You know, I'm a huge "Deadliest Catch" fan- and I always think about what drives us as people to live lives on the edge, and how much faith one has to have in something to know sudden death is a real possibility. The final stanza was the strongest for me with the question posed in the third about life's struggle- the runner up.

Love this write. Keep up the fantastic work.

[Dianah]

I like ambiguity in poems and this one flows well too. Lifes struggles dissolve in the light. I like subtle poems about faith. A hopeful write.

[Barbara Walker]

Loved this imagery and the poem flowed well. I could "see" how everyone would be scrambling, pushing others out of the way. I liked the ending very much! I do hope that's how it will be, I'll see this brilliant light and feel it welcoming me home! Barbara-eyepoetress

[Akash]

Perfect imagery - Magnificent writing!
How to survive humans can go up to limits...yet still open arms accept the inescapable fate.
"was it worthwhile,
this struggle called life?"
Somewhere in life we are bound to ask this question to the 'he/she' inside us.

Perfection
-Akash-

[Akina]

wow... amazing job! really liked the rhymes and the flow.
it's a really great poem, and the words are so powerful.

Akina

[Susan]

Interesting and quite a vivid poem...Loved the imagery that you presented here...there sounds like an inner struggle within yourself...

[J.Black]

Interesting. Vivid, and quite crystal clear images you painted into my head, Julian. You have a nice flow of words which seem to swim a way into the core strings which a reader like myself can connect to the character. Let's just say that perhaps when no one is around to help you, you gain a better sense of reasoning and come to realization that you are truly on your own:
"When the ship goes down,
all you've got is yourself,
what use are you friends,
fame or wealth?"
No one cares that you are famous, it won't protect you. No one cares that you have money, there is no one left for you to pay to save your life in this heap of the moment. You are the tool, the essential tool in order to survive. Many times I've had this battle within myself trying to struggle through life, even when it suffocates me to death, and pulls me under.
Leap to your doom,
or for a lifeboat fight?
it's at this moment that you see the light!
And when you think you can't swim no more, you see, there always needs to be a content ending. Nothing can stand a chance when you keep something so dear in your heart, the saviour, in which he truly is.