Ye, I, And home

Ye, I, and home

Walking through the graveyard of me dreams
The cemetery where dead is all what ye forget
Tears I shed , salty streams
As ye bury me, evading regret

All under ashes of years
All good came to an end
Dreams, hopes, sorrows, and fears
All became dead

Satisfied, nay numb as a stone
Scars of pride defaced beauty of me skin
Ye walk I to the unknown
Ragged is me heart within

Lost no more , no more I roam
Apart of me house I found home
No more to thy past I do long
Now I fit, yet don’t belong

Reviews

[Alira]

"Now I fit, yet don't belong"

Yeeeesh! That's got to be my most favorite line in this poem; it was definitely an interesting idea using the ye's and me's--reminded me of Harry Potter (although I don't think that was your intention). I'm not usually a fan of rhyme schemes, but because the language use is out of the ordinary, it kinda works. And I liked it. I also liked the idea of pride causing scars; how often does anyone think that pride can leave scars??? I would suggest that you dedicate some time to the "dreams, hopes, sorrows, and fears" that died and why they died.

Best,
Rahab

=)

[M.Kilani]

Thank you dear Rahab for your review, I'm really glad you liked this poem, the fact that you're reviewing un-reviewed poems pleases me, especially this four-year old poem, it takes me back to those days.
It surprises me that you aren't looking into the latest poems of mine, although I don't write much nowadays, yet I think you'll find them different from this one.
Sometimes using old language makes the poem more interesting, I wasn't aiming for Harry Potter language though, I was trying to imitate medieval language such as in LOTR, as for the ryhme schemes; I am somehow fond by them, yet I rebel against them at the same time.
As for pride and scars; well, scars are often a sign of shame, other times are a proof for pride-generating deeds, while pride, on the other hand, needs sacrifices, beauty of the skin is one of them.
The poem was written four years ago, a lot of dreams, hopes, sorrows, and fears have died, many others were revived, and a lot more were born.
Thanks again for the review.
Mohammad.