Once upon a fall

Once upon a fall

 

Here comes another autumn, starts another fall

Still I am the man waiting by the wall

Some rise after the fall, with help from others they stand tall

Yet, I, waiting for someone, counting days, counting years

Hard to stand alone as I shed no tears

Burning to illuminate, and cast away my fears

 

I shine thus darkened is my heart perhaps I’ll be seen by a god

To have a hand on my shoulder wondering all around

To heal from that treason, to deny that fraud

 

And it’s getting cold

And I’m getting old

Fall then winter, a walk on the road

 

That I know, because I’ll be there standing so far

There on the corner, head full of wine and a heart full of tar

 

I will be there laying next to the first leaf that dies

Racing the first drop of tears that falls from sky

I will be on that pavement next to that homeless

Next to that orphan, watch him as he cries

 

And it will get colder

And I’ll get older

Spring then summer, that is the order

 

That I know, because I’ll be gone

Away from that corner I will be one

 

Wait for my return, for the next fall

For the stranger standing next to that wall

There is always hope, even for the cursed ones, hope for all

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the fall. The cool nights are good for sleeping. Life is a journey of many roads and surprises. We must face the heat or the cold with the same force and always go forward. I like the ending. Life is a long road trip if we are lucky. We will find peace and joy on the way. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[olla]

a sadness at the passage of time and those things that go unchanged.. well done..

[YouoweYoupay]

First of all, this is something I can relate to, and I think the season you used was very clever. Since autumn can also pass for a human even when they are amidst spring. Autumn can be the cool chill against my skin when I'm being neglected by a loved one, or it can be the loss and damage of the strings of my hair as what becomes of the pale leaves. Or the loss of the many brittle friendships with the dusty first rain.

And it’s getting cold
And I’m getting old
Fall then winter, a walk on the road "

-Also, I like your rhymes, because they are familiar to the tongue, yet not overused or banal.

"That I know, because I’ll be gone"

The ending lines were sad, yet mildly gentle. Enjoyed. A very good poem with lots of grey, white, and black. Thanks for sharing.

[Butterfly]

Very well written, it seem putt work into this one thus far, best I've seen thus far, no constructive critisicim needed here.

[The Winter Grey]

I really like this. You managed to expose something really profound: in life, things are always changing... and yet, at the same time, nothing really does. Despite the changing of the seasons, and those strangers who drift in and out of your character's story, the character himself is defiantly constant. I also enjoyed the way you tell the story in a way that is both cold and sterile, and yet also radiant with emotion. Full of memorable lines and ultimately an inspiring read.

[Michael X]

your heart beckons, this poem is ideally sentimental and toucvhing,
I think the form is activated by the talent, Great job!

[Wolfwind]

For some reason this brought to mind the story of the groundhog determining a short or long winter by seeing his shadow or not. I like the rich use of description, it makes for a deep flowing piece, capturing the mind and taking it on an esoteric journey through vision and time. Very much enjoyed!

Aaron

[RainQueen]

This is a breathtaking tapestry - despair, acceptance and maybe/hope woven into a song that calls to each of us. A bleakly vivid snapshot of that stubborn, graying refusal to accept forever-alone. Amazing.

[Dark Angel]

An endless cycle of a constant life alone. If only everyone really did have someone out there for them... It's sad it can't be true.

[Bard Constantine]

This is a nice poem, rich with metaphor of the fall season, which is usually associated with melancholy, depression and dying; so it's a nice note to end the poem with a bit of hope.

As far as the rhyming scheme... it honestly seems a bit off in places. The first stanza is weakened by using the word 'fall' twice, which makes it redundant. Then the third stanza doesn't match the first two, even though it's written very simularly -'around' doesn't rhyme with 'god' or 'fraud'. Just a few thoughts. Overall, you did a good job with this. Look forward to more..

[A.A.Romanczuk]

Oh! Wonderful! Beautiful! Beautiful...beautiful poem..beautiful way of showing life's natural processes ..of the flying time..of waiting...
I am speechless