Whispering swords (Inside the walls)

these are two poems combined together

 

Only those whom words are loud can enjoy silence
and those who held swords can put an end to violence.

And we the silent ones, dare to shout and scream

For only a dead fish swims along a stream

 

Yet we whisper neither in silence nor in fear

Screaming won’t make a dead man hear

We gather to the alter of life

No sword, gun, chain, or knife

 

And into the night

A knight next to knight

With words of right

We’ll march to the light

 

As tyrants feed us hideous rage

From the heart of silence a war will emerge

For our words can never age

For we are rage upon a page

 

Silently we’ll mourn

And await another dawn 

Until no place is left for words

We’ll unsheathe our whispering swords

 

And we shall be there

 

There behind the walls

Where none see anything at all

Where a man is getting old

Where a child is getting cold

 

Where an orphan cries over father’s blood

And the worms from his brain invade the mud

Where they run for a cover under a tin roof

Believing it is water, rocket, and bullet proof

 

Where a field of oil is a massive grave

And the home of innocent is a diamond cave

Where the mine-fields are their playground

No water, no food can be found

 

There in a land where pigs can rule

Where killing a child is officially un-cruel

Where death repents for their crimes

Where they all stand and watch, they, the mimes

 

Where all kneel to please a politician

To practice man’s oppression

For the money they will collect

Where all misery is politically incorrect

 

 

Author's Note

this might be hard to understand, and might sound insane... that is because I'm sick and under pills effect !!
Reviews are welcomed ;)

Reviews

[David W Moore III]

a rage, silently, against the greed and calousness of rulers. the mimes, who are perhaps the great majority, here the noise and believe what they hear, how can they not, when they are fed tailor made. Of couse, they can search for themselves. in this day, information is easy to gather, but who to believe, and the jugernaut rolls on...

[olla]

there is such a thing as righteous rage.. well written..

[WhiteWillow]

This is perhaps one of your best works. Loved the flow, the message, every word perfect. Thanks for sharing.

[Hannah Paige]

First, congrats on winning the revolution contest! as promised, i'd like to review your piece.

"those who held swords can put an end to violence."
The truth and irony of this statement are overwhelming. How is it that violence and fighting have so consumed society, that the only way to put an end to it all is to fight fire with fire?

"Yet we whisper neither in silence nor in fear
Screaming won’t make a dead man hear"
This line made me nod in agreement. There is no way to change the past, and "screaming," a violent action that mimics events that have been destructive in the past, will not change the future, or prevent further destruction.

"Where they run for a cover under a tin roof
Believing it is water, rocket, and bullet proof"
A great two lines. It is hard to imagine that for some people, this is the most protection they can have. and more than that, they might even be thankful for it.

"Where all misery is politically incorrect"
I love how you ended with this statement, it really stuck with me. The things that are and aren't "correct" in society have become so irrational, that ending with this line means more than you may have even intended. Misery and suffering have become almost taboo subjects. No one wants to think about the suffering of others, because then we have to think about what we're not doing to help. In our society, we thrive on "out of sight, out of mind," and ending with this last line certainly puts the misery of others back into our sight and our mind. And in that way, it has the strength of rebellion and the power of a revolution.

All in all, rhyme scheme in this poem is very strong and not only makes it pleasant to read, but really helps reinforce each point.
The flow of the poem works well enough, though you can sort of tell that it was originally two different poems.
The only grammatical error i could find was in the first line of the poem where you said "those whom words." did you mean "whose" instead of "whom?"

This is a very powerful, well written piece, and if you were "under pills effect" when you wrote it, then maybe insanity suits you. Well done, keep writing.

[Jas Alejandrino Ramos]

nice poem....historically and dramatically described

[Coyote Poetry]

One of the laws of war in China history. A strong Army will maintain peace. People will fear you and you will be left alone. I like this poem. You made many strong points. The problem with the world today is the weapons can kill a million people when shot into a population in seconds. Soldiers are secondary now. Just policeman to clean up messes. I pray we won't need a city to die for us to learn war and hate is wrong. A powerful poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Bard Constantine]

Not at all hard to understand... a cry of defiance that many will relate to... it's hard to stand still and watch the world as it catches fire...

[Nimbus Thread]

Pills or no pills this is wisdom personified. A writers words are his arsenal. You've captured a wonderful balance here.

[A.A.Romanczuk]

Oh...a wonderful rendition of the purpose of a poet/writer...oh this is everything but insane...this is ...simply phenomenal...our words will live forever....they will challenge...they will fight better than any sword...they will cut to the core...they will shed wisdom...beautiful...

[A.r. Bazian]

i loved this one! suggest revising grammatical structure, you have subject verb incompatibilities! thats it!
this is your best poem in my opinion!

[Ruth]

There is a great message within this! Its a surreal and yet grounding piece! I LOVE it!
You have poignantly versed that which people do not like to be versed (as in the powers that be in this world)
Excellent love!
One of my fav's!
Awesome work!
xx