Way of Life

You say that you are nit perfect

Yet you judge the imperfects

You knew you are the sinner

Yet you proclaim yourself a saint

 

You knew you are the burden of sin

Yet you pass the sin to the innocent

You knew it’s not yours

Yet you proclaim it to be yours

 

Why must you do such things?

For when it is done to you

Your temper rise up

And became furiously angry

 

Yet when you do this to others

Your senses fill up with joy

Rejoice with evilness

And ignores what the fell

 

This is not how life works 

This is not how you interact

With people in life

For this is not the way of life

Reviews

[Irenic]

a very realistic approach!!
very realistically you have described that what we want from others and what we do to that others.
Thanks for sharing:)
write more and send requests more:)

[Emily]

The second stanza is my favorite!
Keep it up!

[andrew mitchell]

For many this is the ways of life and we become recipients at one time or another. Nice work!

[JayG]

"You say that you are nit perfect
Yet you judge the imperfects
You knew you are the sinner
Yet you proclaim yourself a saint"

Forgetting that you didn't bother to spell check, look at the thought expressed as a reader will see it. Someone we know nothing about is complaining about someone we've never met, for things we have no context for.

You know the situation, but the reader certainly doesn't. They have only only your words, and what those words suggest TO THEM. And that meaning is based on their experience, their background and education.

Sure, you have intent for the words. And when you read the words point to ideas, images, and memories, all within your mind. But what about the reader. intent stops at the keyboard, so for the reader, the words point to ideas, images, and memories, all within YOUR mind. But you;re not there to ask. And the emotion you place in the words as you read doesn't make it to the page.

You can't entertain a reader by handing them facts. Facts hold little emotion. And poetry is a lot more then talking to your reader. The goal is to involve the reader in an emotional experience.

It might be accomplished through language that makes the reader wish they'd said it. But you've used prosaic language

It might be accomplished though cadence and prosody, and by involving the reader—making the speaker's situation become the reader's.

I strongly suggest you read a lot of poetry, of all kinds, to find what sings to you, to show you the direction you favor. I would also suggest you read the excerpt to Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's a great into to the nuts and bolts of poetry.

[Ted Kniffen]

A lot of anger here, Blak. Good. A good rant helps. Good opening line ' You say that you are not perfect' Watch the tenses, they bounce from past to present. Good write.

[iamshadowine]

"Your senses fill up with joy
Rejoice with evilness
And ignores what the fell"
These lines make me feel the pain and anger somehow! great work!
keep writing :D

[Coyote Poetry]

I did like this poem.
"You say that you are nit perfect
Yet you judge the imperfects
You knew you are the sinner
Yet you proclaim yourself a saint"
I liked the above lines. Few saints and many sinners. Honest, worthwhile and powerful words and thoughts. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote