I wish upon a dying star

I wish upon a dying a star
who held dreams of shattered hearts
directed those who travelled afar
and eased a weary heart

I wonder what happens
to the dreams that it held
the travelers it directed
and to the weary heart it tried to ease

will the dreams vanish upon its death?
will the traveler get lost troughout its journey?
who will ease those weary hearts?
oh how I wonder, what lies upon a dying star

If I wish upon a dying star
will my wish die upon its death?
oh how I wonder what lies upon my wish
if the star dies after I made my wish

Reviews

[JayG]

A couple of points:

First, if you're going to rhyme, then do it in every stanza, because by providing in in S1 you set up a reader's expectation that it will continue.

Next, people are who, and things, like a star, are that. And as a "that" the star can "receive" wishes in the sense that people present them, but it cannot actually contain them in any meaningful way—or care. So S2, while fanciful, doesn't track. And since stars last millions of years (and don't die in the sense that a living being does), wondering about the wishes made on them also doesn't track. (sorry).

You might want to read the Amazon excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, for some really good background and hints to writing poetry that grabs the reader by the throat.

[Ted Kniffen]

Well done, Blakheart. Good thought to take the theme of the wishing star and go a step further. What does happen to those dreams and the travelers?
Good write.

[Coyote Poetry]

A wish upon a dying star. Had value?
"If I wish upon a dying star
will my wish die upon its death?
oh how I wonder what lies upon my wish
if the star dies after I made my wish"
I liked the above lines and a dying star wish does had value. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[andrew mitchell]

A typo in the first line, an extra a, I think you have answered your ? for a wish could only succeed on a living star unless you are on the death star in Star Wars!