One Man Army

A single man,
Against the heavens and against all odds,
Wishful thinking, wishful prayers;
None got through to him.

Marked by all; as a devil spawn,
Forced to roam the world alone.
Singled out and hated by,
All, but a kindred soul.

Fortunes never on their side,
That single comfort, torn away.
Alas! For all he ever yearned,
Went in vain with her demise.

So there he stood,
A lone man, with no kin to call his own.
With not a single thought of reason left,
But a longing for blood.

A single quest; to carry out,
To battle against the heavens,
And tear the world asunder;
For, there stood a man with fire in his eyes.

Author's Note

All reviews are appreciated

Reviews

[JayG]

This pretty well exemplified your approach to poetry. And I have mixed feelings. While I often agree with the sentiment, I often feel that you're leaving more to intent than a reader can handle.

The final line in S1, for example, is meaningful if the reader knows your intent. But to me, the question is, do you mean in the sense of physically reaching him, or changing his mind? Since we don't know your intent the entire stanza seems to lack context.

I have a problem with someone who seems a dreamer in S1 being called "Devil's spawn" in S2, because the overall envelope of backstory, ambiance, etc, isn't hinted at. So when you say, "Fortunes never on their side," there's nothing to indicate who "they" are.

I am not a poetry guru, especially in the area of blank verse. So my suggestion is pretty much the one I would give were this fiction, which is to place yourself in the viewpoint of a reader who has knowledge of nothing the words don't imply, and must base their understanding on their own interpretation of the words, as their background and experience suggests. And since that background will probably differ from yours, it's best to be certain they will always have context, and thus be on a self-guiding trail.

[JokerforLife]

Great one bro! Keep writing =)

[KingDavid]

Thanks mate. ^_^

[Nigel Newman]

David Hi. In response to your read request I picked this one from your list. I've read all the other reviews, with which I will partially agree. There are passages in here that make the reader feel sympathy for one who has lost a life partner. But then I look at the start and the end
- tear the world asunder
- marked by all as a devil's spawn ... hated by all

When I read these parts I see someone I don't like at all. IF they had turned bad AFTER their other half had died, then maybe one could have sympathy, but it doesn't read that way to me. If, again if, every verse EXCEPT v3 was in the present tense, then I could buy it that he'd been an OK man until her demise, and now his bitterness has turned him to rage.

If I were you, however, I'd count up the number of folk who have seemingly got exactly what you intended and compare that with my lone voice of ambiguous interpretation.

Putting all this to one side, I agree with other reviewers that you have a very nice style; verses with a sort of meter but no need for rhyme. It works well. I also like your economy of words, which are generally well chosen.

Cheers
Nigel

[Coyote Poetry]

To battle the heavens.
"A single quest; to carry out,
To battle against the heavens,
And tear the world asunder;
For, there stood a man with fire in his eyes. "
Many had fought the Gods. None had won in real life. Jack London book "When Gods laugh". Told the tales of men against God. A interesting poem. Left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[KingDavid]

Thanks for the review!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[dan]

A classic example of 1+1=2 then the equation becomes 1+0=1. In the cycle of life there are many trials with a love/partner to share the difficulties and roll around in the joy. But then for whatever reason that relationship is quashed and 'a man is left to stand alone.' And after the time shared with the other that lonely stand is rendered more empty, more jagged. A very nice write. take care...dan

[KingDavid]

Thank you for your opinion Dan. ^_^

[cloud]

It is natural for a man to be filled with hate and cynicism when in such a circumstance as this. Great men and leaders of the past however--caught in psychological trials as this-- learned to avoid violence and hatred for they were useless in solving the problem. As such, they became men that people looked up to.

I'm no expert but I've written the poem out the way I hear it with a few less commas. It may not be right.

A single man--
Against the heavens and against all odds.
Wishful thinking, wishful prayers;
None got through to him.

Marked by all as a devil spawn;
Forced to roam the world alone;
Singled out and hated by all,
But for one kindred soul.

Fortunes never on their side,
That single comfort, torn away.
Alas! For all he ever yearned
Went in vain with her demise.

So there he stood,
A lone man, with no kin to call his own.
With not a single thought of reason left,
But a longing for blood.

One single quest to carry out,
A battle against the heavens,
To tear the world asunder;
For, there stood a man with fire in his eyes.

I think you did a fine job on this and relayed the pain and anguish of a man in despair.

[KingDavid]

Wow. When you put it this way, it really seems like I have a complex about punctuations Lol. Thanks for the review. Will keep your advice in mind. Helps out a lot.

[cloud]

You're welcome.

[Rachael Lea]

I understand the content. I am having trouble with the flow, I am sure it is just because I am reading it wrong. It sends a beautiful message about hurt and anguish.
From the looks of it you write in free style. That is great hold onto that talent I find it very difficult to write poetry this way and am amazed at what can come out of it. It is a great talent don't worry about rhyming. Not all poetry has to rhyme. Just remember you are a very talented person. What you write does paint an illustration and cascade feelings upon your readers.

[jesserose99]

ah the pain of being one...one alone in the world and finding you have that one other soul who sees you and knows you aren't the mark of cain every one says you are. A tale of the star-crossed. very nice.

[KingDavid]

Thank you for the review. _(^_^)_/

[Southern_Writes]

Singled out and hated by,
All, but a kindred soul.

I feel this needs rearranging.

Singled out and hated,
by all, but a kindred soul.


but I do really like it. You have used such powerful imagery.

[KingDavid]

Thank you for your opinion! _(^_^)_/. I think I got a better idea of how I need to arrange my words.

[unfathomd]

Great one dude.. :) everythin u write turns out good..keep up :)

[KingDavid]

Thanks broda. I try to use as simple a language as possible to make it easier for me to write it. :)