Dreameater

Dreameater

A Story by Kaliope

A red sun rises, leaving copper streaks across her skin. Light slips through the trees, silhouetting her petite frame. Wildflowers sway lazily, stretching to snap from their roots but thinking better of it. Bitterweed, violets, wisteria, and creek plum gather around her. Earthbound, the blossoms are inquisitive, leaning in and then falling back at whim of a silent breeze. The deep rustling of the forest is the only sound. The girl lay on a bed of moss, softer than her own bed back home. Despite luminosity and rumbling of the woodland, she would not wake from her enchantment.


© 2017 Kaliope



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Featured Review

This is good writing, I do my best to make helpful suggestions and the author can determine whether or not it fits the piece, so here goes!

The line 'though the wind is silent, the deep..' it comes off a little out of place for me. I would incorporate the information in the beginning into the sentence before as an adjective. 'at the whim of a silent breeze.'
As has been said by others before me, its a good intro to something more I think!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

thank you, I'll keep that in mind(:


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Reviews

Beautiful visuals. You should try doing this as a poem, I think it would be amazing. Nice choice of words too. You should do more poetry, Kat! I believe you could write some memorable pieces if you did.
;)

Posted 9 Months Ago


This is good writing, I do my best to make helpful suggestions and the author can determine whether or not it fits the piece, so here goes!

The line 'though the wind is silent, the deep..' it comes off a little out of place for me. I would incorporate the information in the beginning into the sentence before as an adjective. 'at the whim of a silent breeze.'
As has been said by others before me, its a good intro to something more I think!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

thank you, I'll keep that in mind(:
Short story. But written very well. I am guessing there is more to the story. If you don't mind me asking what is the story going to be about?

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

I am not sure yet
Oh, yes this is just intriguing, where is the rest? A continuance or is this just a teasing of a write to keep the readers guessing

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

thanks(: perhaps I'll add to it
This seems to be a good beginning to a story. Decently descriptive, painting a pretty picture. A good piece that creates awareness that the forest is alive. At points though, it appears certain words are used without complete understanding of them, such as "seducing creatures to sleep.". I don't believe this is the word you intended to use. A nice, friendly story, but could use some word revision. :)

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

thank you for the feedback(:
you painted a vivid image with your words

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kaliope

9 Months Ago

thanks, I try

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200 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 6, 2017
Last Updated on June 4, 2017

Author

Kaliope
Kaliope

Denver, CO



About
Experimental Writer Inspiration: My husband, Silente, as well as raw emotion, personal experience, nature, and simplicity. I write mostly modern fiction and poetry. more..

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