What I need you to Know

It speaks for itself

 

You awoke in terror                               

tiny lungs bleating my name                            

in the ambience of hopelessness.                          

Latent tears rested                                

Against your starlit eyes                               

I sang to you in earnest                           Close your eyes, sweet angel  

Your brother resting in my arms            Dream sweet dreams of your own         

I made my solemn promise                       Nothing here can harm you

You understood me                                     Nothing is set in stone

And bravely succumbed to sleep                 Rest now, and know this

                                   As summers pass and you grow 

                                            I will always be with you

                                            I will always love you so

Reviews

[zig]

ah, i see youre doing a little experiment, i love experiments. i like the side by side, great for doing: observation (reaction, justification, exclamation, etc) or to do comparision. i thought the left side could be a little stronger, maybe a little more focuesed on the terror of the nightmare, a little darker to make the right side even lighter, know what i mean? beautiful and soothing poem, thanks for sharing this with me. zig

[elephant]

I really liked this one it really paints a pretty image for the reader.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I found this poem to be comforting even for me ... a crusty old man. The format threw me off a bit, but that does NOT mean that it is amiss or needs to be changed. I'm a rigid old man who values sequence and structure. As such, my limited mind doesn't deal well with boldness ... The poem is wonderful.

[C. Harter Amos]

This is so sweet and touching. I get the impression too often children are left to cope with their night terror alone. It's comforting to hear such gentleness. The form of the poem made it seem almost sing-song as I read it. The side-by-side offset lines seemed to place what you did in different times better than a straight down setting. I liked the feeling and the look. All-around good poem.

[zig]

i like this version, feels tighter, not sure i like the purple color.

"As summers pass and you grow
I will always be with you"

maybe move these to line so that they line up with the stanza on the right. the last line feels a little weak... and overstated, maybe there is something else that line can say? or maybe just cut it off? seriously, i like the new changes... very well done.

zig

[Dave Lounsbury]

This was really good. It's always nice to have someone around when you wake up, scared in the dark.

[Skwhirrl]

Those are some lucky little ones to have you, my dear. Lovely narrative next to "song" structure, gives the what is said and what is meant neatly together. Not sure I am 100% sold on the () because they feel like they prevent me from reading it across as well and down. Just a thought to ponder : )

[Mr. Lopez]

I thought that this was really good! I liked the side by side.Your poem is loving and conforting. Nice work.

[James Bowers]

I like this but I'm not sure I have any words of "review" for it. I've never been very good with poetry. Thank you for sharing it though.

[Robert Luna]

I really loved this. Reminded me of my piece Beautiful. You are always such a pleasure to have coursing around in my thoughts as your words always leave their mark on me. This was perfectly crafted and wonderful written. You are a true artist one more example that proves that point.


Great Job!!!!!!