A Lost Boy

            Riding down the gravel roads with a girl on the back of my motorcycle, clinging to my waist, I ponder how it would feel to simply drive head on into the curve of one of the numerous pines whipping past. If I were to go fast enough, speed up just a little more, it may even be my end. But that would be the point wouldn’t it? The end.
            I can’t, of course, not with someone riding behind me. I don’t think I could take another life like that. She doesn’t deserve it.
            With my helmet on her head, wind drives through my hair, the night air sending pinpricks of ice into my skin. It makes me feel raw, exposed; I like it. I crack open my mouth, letting the ice inside to take away my breath; to let it suck the life from my lungs. My eyes flicker up to the sky, darkness encasing the most beautiful sparks. Then they close, eyelids holding out the pressure for just a moment.
            A tug on my jacket brings me back to reality. A skinny arm leans out and points to a turn in the road and I slow the bike to take it. Coming to a stop in front of a worn out house, I feel a weight lift off the seat.

           “Thanks for the ride,” Says a high voice from the darkness beside me. The slight light from her front porch shining in her hopeful eyes. “Call me later?” She asks.

“Yeah,” I say, sliding on my black helmet and revving the engine. I peal out of the driveway, leaving her to stare after me, assuming that tomorrow, or perhaps even tonight when I get home, I’ll call. I won’t though. I never do.

It’s mean, I realize that, but it’s the only thing I know how to do anymore. To take someones love, no matter how weak it may be, is enough to help me feel something again. But it never lasts, not for very long; which only leads me to the next hopeful victim. Besides, I’m doing them a favor; maybe they’ll learn to stay clear of guys like me.

The night continues to lean on me, empty breezes pushing thoughts into my head. Tonight I’ll probably end up right back at the den with the boys. When I show up they’ll already be far below the smoky haze of drugs; escaping from reality. Perhaps this time I’ll join in, forget about all the girls, the pain. That’s all the drugs and the girls are really, remedies for the pain. But there are no remedies for memories.

I press down on the acceleration, the speedometer spiking. A hill looms before me and I ride the curves with ease. I’ve memorized these back roads over the years, often running to them when things get rough. And damn do they get rough. At least they used to, now all I’ve got left are the still burning scars. Scars that are reluctant to ever leave me be.

Driving along the ridge top I’m able to let my gaze wander out to the water lying off the rocky ledge. Waves crash against the chilled east shore, water spraying up and over the boulders at the base. The air itself seems to take on a more haunted atmosphere, yet it only heightens my spiking senses. The water, it harshly beats against everything around it, as if it has no choice. As if, were it to stop, the world would drink all the life away.

            I slow the bike once more as I drift along the flat cliff top, parallel to the oceans fire. Coming closer to the edge, frigid water sprays my face, slowly soaking my clothes. I leave the bike behind in the safety of dry land and stride towards the end of the rocky overhang.
             When I stop a mere five feet from the edge, heart racing in excitement and danger, I take in a deep breath. Salt water stabs my lungs like firecrackers spreading throughout my airway. The iciness brings goosebumps to my skin, and a shiver racks my spine. Spreading my arms out beside me like a bird about to take flight, I smile. For the first time in so long, I smile.
             The freedom of this, the freedom of danger, is better than any high I’ve ever been on. I find a laugh bubbling up from my gut, a real, body wrenching laugh. Me, Johnny Fremont, actually feels free. It’s hard to believe that soon I’ll be back in that ratty room full of junkies and burnouts. And I’ll be just like every one of them.
            The laugh stops dead in my throat, my smile falls along with my hands. I’ll be just like them, hopeless, a waste. But what if I didn’t go back?
             My feet creep forward, closer to the ledge that drops down into a black obis feeding off everything it touches. In the darkness, I can’t tell where solid ground ends and air begins, or where water meets the sky far off on the horizon. It’s all the same, all one. Perhaps I could finally be part of something bigger than what I am now. Perhaps, if I joined the oceans water, if I joined the sky on the horizon, I could be something.
              In my mind, my smile ever so slightly flickers back into existence. I could be something.
              Without hesitation, without fear, or question, or dismay, I step once more. 
   

Reviews

[forevermore1218]

I loved this one so much. I honestly don't know what to say to this because it's that good. Honestly, I would love a book about this person. I think it would be a very good idea. Whatever you decide, keep writing. You are truly gifted. This one is going in my favorites

well done mate :)
-forevermore1218

[WingsToFly]

very well written kohl, i enjoyed reading it.

[RachelReaper]

the lost boys... this is based off the movie, yes? If not... that's an odd coincidence. Very, very well done.

[pumpkin head]

Wow, very nicely done, i can feel the emotions through out.

[Chris]

Good write...